Decorations are in shop windows
yuletide music is all we can hear.
Pretty lights shine in the town centre
making it feel like Christmas is here.
Plans are made for friends to meet
to celebrate with food and beer.
Neighbours are putting up trees
making it feel like Christmas is here.
Soldiers have come home on leave
kissing loved ones, shedding a tear.
People travel to be with families
making it feel like Christmas is here.
Children practice the nativity plays
we love so much this time of year.
Choirs can be heard singing carols
making it feel like Christmas is here.
Very soon the turkey will be cooking
for the family meal we hold so dear.
Excited children will open presents
then we’ll be saying ‘Christmas is here!’
Comments
This is lovely.
You marked this as a rough draft, so if I may I'll offer something. The subject and examples in the poem are too precious to leave the meter as inconsistent as it is. The poem has the feel of an old classic, but too many of the lines stumble through meter changes. None of them so far off the mark that a minimal amount of tweaking would not fix. I'm no expert on your other work, so this may be a desired style, but I would see it a little more even. Kind of like a Christmas song.
Anyway, I do like the poem. It's marvelously sentimental.
wesley
Thank you Wesley, but it is
Thank you Wesley, but it is not a rough draft, I think that was a mistake. I do take your point though, there is room for improvement and I think this one has slipped through my fingers a bit in that respect, so thanks for making me think about it.
cheers,
Tim
*Marvelously sentimental*....
*Marvelously sentimental*.... I'll have to remember that, Wesley.
Who would have thunk? Enjoying a marvelously sentimental poem. ;-)
~A
p.s. I, too, love songwriters who are poets first, such as Leonard Cohen. As a matter of fact, all my favourite musicians are poet/troubadours.
Kailashana, thanks for
Kailashana, thanks for dropping by to comment again,
take care,
Tim
Wonderful.
The meter switched back and forth, but was done consistently and allowed me to feel as I were singing the little tune. A classic. Thanks for inviting me back. wesley
Thanks for taking another
Thanks for taking another look Wesley. Often you can read your own stuff over and over again and not see the obvious and that's when you need someone else to take a look for you.
thanks for the reassuring feedback.
best regards,
Tim
I agree.
One of the ways I tried to beat that is by memorizing for the purpose of a final draft. Saying over and over in my head oft times reveals some really stupid stuff. wesley
I agree.
One of the ways I tried to beat that is by memorizing for the purpose of a final draft. Saying over and over in my head oft times reveals some really stupid stuff. wesley