An awakening joy
when it comes to see
for mankind to
foster prosperity
with harmony
present in a scenery
display on the sky
with the smile of joining
hands together in unity
through the sharing of love
from the spreading seed
to convey the message across
it needs to start with everyone
educate our youth and citizens
to build trust and understanding
with an open mind to hear
to let hatred goes free
instilled respect and care
promote peace here
to make this world
a better place to live
for the sake of
mother earth to stay survive
Jun 09, 2023
Challenge-Breaking News- An Awakening Joy
About This Poem
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "Challenge-Breaking News- An Awakening Joy" aims to convey a message of unity, love, and peace, with the ultimate goal of creating a better world for all. The poem uses imagery and metaphor to express these ideas. Here are some suggestions to enhance the poem's structure, language, and impact:
1. Structure: The poem's structure could benefit from the use of stanzas to organize the ideas more clearly. Grouping related lines together can help the reader follow the poem's progression and make the message more coherent. For example, you might consider dividing the poem into stanzas that focus on unity, education, and peace.
2. Imagery: The poem uses imagery, such as "display on the sky" and "the smile of joining hands together in unity," to evoke a sense of harmony and togetherness. To strengthen the poem's impact, consider expanding on these images or incorporating additional ones that reinforce the themes of unity, love, and peace.
3. Language: Some lines in the poem could benefit from clearer phrasing or more precise word choices. For example, the line "mother earth to stay survive" might be rephrased as "mother earth's continued survival" to improve clarity and readability.
4. Metaphor: The poem uses the metaphor of "spreading seed" to represent the sharing of love and the promotion of unity. To enhance this metaphor, consider exploring the growth and development of the seed throughout the poem, perhaps by describing how the seed takes root, grows, and eventually blossoms into a beautiful plant that represents the ideal world the poem envisions.
5. Theme development: The poem touches on several important themes, such as unity, education, and peace. To create a more powerful and memorable message, consider focusing on one or two of these themes and developing them more fully throughout the poem.
By refining the poem's structure, imagery, language, and themes, the poem "Challenge-Breaking News- An Awakening Joy" can more effectively convey its message of unity, love, and peace, ultimately inspiring readers to work towards a better world.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Agreeing...
with the AI on the form. It would certainly be better understood with a stanza structure and some punctuation.
"To let hatred [go] free".
"Mother earth to survive".
~ Geezer.
.