I cover my head in stony burlap
a hair shirt fleece
for humility I do not possess
a praying preying paradox
climbing upwards
to the heavens
while being dragged low
by every hate and love
in a gravitating descent
with huddled wings
pulled into fires and maws gag
a terror terrified
like a spider
waiting for a fly
waiting for a bird
Oct 28, 2018
Canticle
About This Poem
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Hi Zebra
a good narrative of an inner voice scripted in this piece. Just checking if you meant descend instead of decent
.........................................
Raj
decent but misspelled i.e. the confusion.... descent is right, I do believe and thank you Raj for your comment ,,, very appreciated!
There is a darkness...
here that I can identify with. "Killer" sometimes wonders about his "soul" too. How to reach the Heavens while earthly desires and flaws hold one down? He has reached a tentative balance with his alter-ego, Sir Gee who often tries to dissuade him from his addiction of cannibalism. Nice work!~ Geezer.
.
Hi Geezer
In spite of the synoptic religions, in my opinion ideations of egoic perfection , i.e. the rules of the road, the primal influences remain within. Prehistorically humans where more lunar equating to primal as in the bronz age While the world remains a cauldron of madness most rationalize their cruelty towards emotional survival unless sociopathic
I like yourself hate cruelty and yet could be disposed to it This is the paradox of the TAO
This is not just us , this is the nature of duality,the world soul and the universe we inhabit
Most just hide it as possible. Writers write dangerously
Thank you Geezer for your thoughtful comment
Z