William Saint George
William Saint George
Nov 17, 2011

Canary In The Mine

The lies are dressed
In little pinks tutus.

The scorn is ready
For the masquerade.

The canary in the mine
Turns out to be
A hummingbird.

The butterfly in my tummy,
A bee.

The laugh really is
A stiffled moan;
The tear is shed for sorrow.
The sun is gone because the night
Will breed a bleaker tomorrow

About This Poem

Last Few Words: True story, hidden in verse.

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Ghana, GHA

Favorite Poets: William Shakespeare

More from this author

Comments

wesley snow

A lot of "between the lines" inferences. You mention it is a true story and that is disturbing. I'm not sure I caught all of its meaning (in fact I'm positive I have not), but what I understood is depressing as hell. Ah, what else is poetry for, eh? It could be a little clearer in its meanings, but I'm not convinced that wouldn't ruin the point. wesley

William Saint George

It has to do with a break up, although I took liberties with this poem and went where my mind did not. Most of the poem just felt right when I wrote it, so I'll be grateful if you put down how you understood it. :D

The full story is explained well in my previous poem "Tissue Paper Love". This one just came out like this. D

Thanks for the comment.

wesley snow

Keep in mind this only how I saw it on first reading. I tried not to "add" anything to my perspective on later reads, but simply elaborate on what I first felt. The first read of a poem, in my view, is always the most important.

The first two lines tell me I am being lied to in a graceful and efficient way. That I have likely been drawn into their elegance without realizing it.
Also in the next lines. The scorn is hiding behind a mask that I have only recently been able to pierce. Now that I have I see the lies and the scorn for what they are, I also recognize the decoration that has fooled me previously.
The next is harder. The canary of course will die before I am aware of the danger to me. The hummingbird, being an aggressive and dangerous creature, perhaps may survive long past the moment when I am risking my health. It will offer me no warning.
I like these next lines a lot. In my big poem, I wrote of Ramparté, the thief as having "carnivorous butterflies". A bee is another good simile for nerves.
The laugh and the tear are not hiding at all as they are my emotions.
The last lines tell me the worst. That I am going to remain and tomorrow will begin the uncomfortable reality all over again.
Any of this make sense?
wesley