Camp Breakfast

Pine smoke
mixed with bacon
sizzling in the cast iron,
frying eggs popping in the grease…
camp fire.

About This Poem

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Western Mass, USA

Favorite Poets: Adelaide Crapsey

Comments

Any suggestions?

it is just me

and your way is perfectly alright
but i would re-arrange this in some way to encourage the reader use his/her sense of smell as well as hearing
- just adding one word here does that
just me again - but i would also rearrange the wording slightly - just sounds less 'clunky' - i stress this is imho only

example
'mixed aroma
bacon and pine smoke
sizzle in cast iron
while frying eggs pop in the grease
camp fire'

i like the images your write gave me
but if you could find a little more descriptive it would greatly enhance it
eg - what does pine and bacon smell like to you, or how does the smell make you feel.. just one or two words would do...

just as
'while frying eggs pop in the grease'
gives a great feeling and sound of the image - the rhythm does this
''while FRY-ing EGGS POP in the GREASE'
love it
xxx

Bryan

Hello,

I love Judy's suggestions, as they make a good write even better. You've made me hungry! This is my favorite part of camping out.

always, Cat