I woke up one day
I thought I'm in dream.
All the people were happy.
Nothing felt or looked the same.
The stunning birds were whistling.
Singing and chanting all around.
Giving the best of melody
Up, the skies echoed the sound.
The stars descended from their milky way,
Like the diamonds, towards earth, found a way.
Flowers and roses nicely bloomed.
They sent their scent away.
“What could be the day”? I wondered
Trying to find someone to say.
Why are women so pretty?
And men so gay?
Suddenly
I saw the moon and the sun together sway .
How could they to earth find a way?
Why are they so elegant?
“Why?” ” What a special day?!”
in chorus , on earth and in sky I heard all say
“It is the sun’s distinguished day.”
“It is the sun in her best day.”
Yah, of course , I should’ve known.
It is Freedom, in her Wedding day.
Comments
I remember you Rula.
What a wonderful poet you have become.
This poem holds all the promise of what will come.
I am honored and pleased to have had the chance to watch the change occur.
blushing
Thank you sir.
Hi Rula
Is this a poem you composed
when you were married
then say what year at least
it appears you have composed such a lovely poem with natural expertise
Snow man is pleased
Congrats you are a wonder
born poet so it seems
at least to me
maybe
Thank you loved
Please read in the last few words' box.
dear Rula,
this is a poem full of promise for a bright future! I hope that you shared this gift with your friend, Freedom. may I make a suggestion?
change one word in these two lines. from this:
Yah, of course , I should’ve known.
It is Freedom, in her Wedding day.
to this:
Yah, of course , I should’ve known.
It is Freedom, in her Wedding gown.
always, Cat
Whatever
I decide to do with this piece, I LOVE and appreciate the suggestion dear.
Thanks for the appreciation.
I'm not sure I would change anything,
but rather keep it as it is to remember. It is now part of your poetic journey. Leave the cobblestones where they lay.
Ask Stan if that was imagery.
Thank you
Mark.
It's been told that being not a native has sometimes an advantade of using some fresh vocabs that nativez won't even think of them.
NOBODY should
edit their first poem. By keeping it as is we can always travel back in time and even judge our progress as poets......stan
Agree.
Agree.
I agree with Stan.
Keep your poetic history unmolested by the dreaded edit.
Sorry I mentioned it.
Sorry I mentioned it. please disregard my suggestion.
always, Cat
No need for apologies
Appreciate it as ever.
This is exactly what I was hoping for in this workshop, Rula.
Although this piece has some fine qualities it shows how much you have learned, grown and accomplished since. Compare to "Slavery" which is so much more brave, original and expressive.
Credit first to you, then your Mentor Wesley and to Neopoet.
This is what I love most about this site.
This comment means a lot
Jess. I really appreciate it. The workshop in its theme is kind of original. I think everyone here made kind of progress in a way or another. Much credit goes to Neopoet and every single commentator's suggestions.
Thank you for being so kind
Poets first poems
Hi Rula, I was touched by the joy of Freedom's wedding via your poem. Curious about what age you were though ☺