She's not important anymore:
Things didn't go the way that she foresaw-
See her lying on the floor
Can't hurt her more...
Words can't tell you how she feels:
She caught the wrong end of your deals-
You only need her for your thrills
And feels...
Last Few Words: Like almost everything else I have written, this short piece too was written as a song lyric. You can hear the song version by clicking on the link just below the body of the lyric.
Style/Type: Structured: Western
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Not actively editing
Comments
Hi
I like the way you write, this one is very similar to in style to Hooded Stranger. I have just started writing lyrics, but im i don't sing lol.
louise
Louise
I never thought of writing poetry as being really different from writing lyrics except that lyrics writing, for the most part, has a couple of challanges of meter and rhythm that sometimes poetry allows some licence with.
(I guess I'll hear some response to THAT statement from those who perhaps feel that lyrics are NOT poetry!)
Anyway, thank you for taking the time to read this very short piece and for your kind comment.
Psyve
Psyve,
I won't make myself look an idiot and ask if this is about a dog, since we have sorted that out already (shit! I just made myself look like an idiot, didn't I?) - Lol!
I think I wanted more verses as it was all over a little too quickly and I like to sit back and read your work, but no sooner had I lit my pipe and put on my slippers...it was done.
So in summary, a good solid, but short write, made more exciting by the addition of the acoustic version which I really enjoyed.
"and feels..." leads me to think that you could add more to this.
Nice job,
HS
HS
This is one of the shortest pieces I have written.
Glad you liked it.... both, the written lyric as well as the sung version.
On another note:Pipe and Slippers?
It doesnt get more British than that.
Reminded me of a line from a song in the childrens movie "Mary Poppins", where Mr Banks sings of coming home from the office every day:
"At Six-oh-One, I march through my Door.
My slippers, sherry and my pipe,
Are due at Six-oh-Two
Consistant is the life I lead..."
Thanks for listening and for your words of encouragement.
There's a little bit of Harry
There's a little bit of Harry Chapin in your sound....rich and soulful.
And this little piece of your heart reminds me of a feeling you evoke for me in your music.... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CpY-aPrhhMQ
"still you go on"... "now, sometimes words can serve so well, sometimes words can go to hell, for all that they do."
~A
Kailashana
Thank you for listening and for your kind comment.
Interestingly enough, I hadn't heard of Harry Chapin before, so thank you for the introduction. I liked the song you sent me a link to. That was a time of gentler music, to be sure. If my sound evoked a similar feel, I am honored.
Psyve
Eph
Glad you liked this. I see you dug this post up from the folds of obscurity....the previous comment was 5 months old!
Thank you for that :-)
Psyve