Don't ask a lady 'bout her age;
bestir griefs, invoke her sorrows,
arouse a sleeping beast to rage,
don't ask a lady 'bout her age.
You'd let the daemons out of the cage
to blow her now and tomorrows,
don't ask a lady 'bout her age;
bestir griefs, invoke the sorrows.
May 04, 2016
Beware!
About This Poem
Style/Type: Structured: Western
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - draft
Comments
Hi Rula
This is an evocative subject - Indeed many women don't like to reveal their age! I had to look up daemons - at first I thought it was a spelling mistake for demons, but upon looking it up I discovered that the Daemons are malevolent spirits born out of the destructive power called Chaos - an appropriate comparison given the reaction of many women being asked their age. Some things are best kept a secret!
Is this a triolet? Looks similar.
Very well done -
Mand xxx
Hello Mand
so happy to see you here.
It is a triolet. I got the first line playing in my head and thought the format of the triolet might work well.
I am happy you've confirmed it did . I admit some exaggeration is intended though. At least I'm not one of them.
Many thanks for sharing your thoughts dear.
Thanks to mand for the clarification of daemons......
I was about to show
my ignorance
'bout her age;
you camouflage well
by an apostrophe
well done Rula
Thanks
dear Lovedly for the comment. I always appreciate your kind visit.
Be well.
you are the kindest of the lot.... Rula
so I have to be
a candle
showing kindly light to thee
have no mercy for me
Hi Rula
I very much enjoyed this poem and know how hard they can be to achieve smoothly, which you have done. One slight nit I think both places you have grieves it should read griefs. Also if I dare go slightly farther, I think the fifth line has no fault as it is but maybe smoother as; You'd let the daemons out the cage. Just my opinion.
PS: I'll give you equal opportunity to comment tomorrow when I post an effort of my own. Can't today because I posted something early on before I noticed this challenge.
Hello Mr. Logan
and many thanks for the kind encouraging words.
'Griefs' it IS of course. I wasn't happy with that line too.
Looking forward to reading your attempt soon.
Rula never mind a critic
we all live in a fools paradise
and all are in search of fools
Hi Rula
I can't believe you can be enraged...so just to check it out I dare and ask you what's your age...:)
humor apart, I suggest you enter this one in the May Contest which is about Triolets..
Now a query: I have never heard of the word bestir..what does it mean?
This surely is a tough form but I know you like to try out different forms...
Regards,
Hello Raj
Never offended! I'm always twenty five :)
You made me doubt the word and checked the dictionary;
bestir: to stir up, rouse to action
I started composing this for the contest when I noticed that its theme doesn't belong to any of the contest's.
Will try another soon if God is willing.
Thank you Mr. winner
Hi again Rula
liked the philosophy of "always twenty five" :)
thanks for the explanation about bestir..i didn't know about this word...
you are right about this poem not being in sync with the theme of the contest...it's good that you are in the practice mode...best wishes for the contest..I am sure you will post one in sync with the theme soon....
Rula,
what a beautiful piece, I love the rhythm a tempo of it. The subject is for many as true as life.
Rula you out did yourself. The brevity of it makes it long lasting in the mind
Thanks for sharing this most excellent write. Bravo!
Eddie C.
Hello Eddie
How kind of you to offer this piece a visit and such a comment. I am happy to know that the theme appeals to you too.
Kind regards