Finally being real with me
Fully understanding why I would deal with grief
As if it's fuel hating all knowing the feeling's mutual
All I would do is build and destroy
Whatever you would feel, I'd avoid
Because to me it's unnecessary noise
Telling me that I need to change
Even when I'm given 2 cents I'm null if you vent
Airing out your pain is what cooled me down
As if others sorrow is what kept me sound
Hiding in silence, meticulous bound
To get close enough to have you love me
To find out I only lust for violence once you trust me
How am I to give me meaning without a label
I stood proud being a man of betrayal
May 17, 2016
Betrayal
About This Poem
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
jzarmel
Well what can I say it has been two years since you wrote on stream, now Neopoet can teach and also learn from its poets only if they are here regularly.
This work has a great theme then you have written as if in one breath.
You need to break it up into stanzas and put a rhythm in there so it can sing to the reader.
I look forward to your edit and what the others say on this piece, Yours Ian.T
brazen
in my winter of years...maybe I am initializing
statements on my behalf
for what your poem construct tells..
all everyone said
was for me to be happy
I was the great critique
searching only for the cracks
which only perfection
which does not exist...allow
still though
I throw out my chest
and get out there
a large and ravenous
Ego filling my sails like
a ship on a mission
of voyage
it ...the ego just
commandeers
out of the blue
when all I want
too do is control
and end up
controlling..
great poem
a lot of construct
in this!
thank U!