I sit beneath
my wide-brimmed hat
below a sky so grand,
I wonder how far away
tomorrow lies.
Certainly in that blue expanse
there is born one place
where the slightest moment
crosses over into what is yet
colorless and untroubled.
Where you have no given name,
but are distinguished
by the way the wind
catches your hair,
or why you cried as a child.
I remove my hat,
lie down on the grass -
real, fragrant, and soft,
feel the sky on my eyes
as I get a small glance
beyond the blue,
so imposing,
I wonder who I am.
***
Comments
No real criticism here...
I like the theme and the easy way you wrote it. It is a somber, but not really sad piece of work. My only criticism is that as I have become used to not having punctuation at the end of a line, except for question and exclamation marks, [not that what you did was wrong], I was lured into false or premature pauses. Once I got past that, I went and reread it and found it to be a very engaging piece of work. Nice job! ~ Geezer.
..
Hello, Geezer!
I'll let this sit a bit and think over the punctuation. Sometimes it's hard to write about introspective moments that are deep in nature and fleeting in thought, which is what this moment was for me. Thank you for spending time and commenting! Always appreciated!
L
few poits
below beneath and beyond exist above the earth so far so good
but
my breathing is at times cyclonic at times like a dried up well it can match no others so when i to punctuations said RIP
Iwas sure all will develop their own pace and so many did on other sides poets beieve in no demise along with my breath they rise
so you may dwell within my limitations
LAV
BY THE WAY I INTRODUCED FREE STYLE IN NEO IT HOLDS TILL I'M GONE
Hello, Lovedly,
I can believe that you introduced free verse to Neo, or at least, you are the King of Free Verse!
Thank you!
L
Hardly a bloke
a servant of free style my style is also free glad so many read me at least u and Gee do on NEO On other sites two poems have been read 8 to9000 reviews
Moms SMILES HAS OVER 300 PAGES OF COMMENTS ALL NEOS KINDNESS
THANKS TO JESS HE KICKED ME LIKE A FREE FOOTBALL
HIGH UP IN THE SKY
HOPE HE IS CATCHING SOME OF ME
LOVEDLY SO OF????
REACHES ME
I AM STILL
HE LORD