Mindful Memorable Freeform: The Challenge

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Being (mindful-memorable-freeform-challenge)

Being

Nowhere does the sun feel as good
Nowhere does the wind blow as gently
Than in the heart of a peace loving man.

Ian.T
1957

About This Poem

Last Few Words: Written when I was 15 one of the first bits as I call them to be written in an exercise book just after leaving School..

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Leicestershire, Ex Moonraker, GBR

Favorite Poets: All those I meet or read about in my books

This user supports Neopoet so it can be free to all

Comments

Thank you

I have edited this for the first time in 55 years so that is progress lol.
Thank you for your read and comment, probably one of those I had never really read as you have, thanks again, Yours Ian.T

I have known you to edit poems before, but Blister did make good points.
I notice this was written in the year of my birth. It kinda fits, you reached at least 2 people here, so it fits the workshop.
Your short work is more effective. I know you felt short-stalled in the Story-telling workshop but I suggest you contact Wes to see how to make your longer poems more effective,

Jess

Yes I have edited poems before, I was just making the point as I did with Stan that this was written in the year of one of our teachers birth and as I was only 15 I thought that it could stay like it is, or nearly, just to show how I thought at that time, and also from that age.
Nothing much has changed so the words can be altered a little without the theme being damaged so be it.
Must have been a good year lol, Yours Ian.T

PS:- I rewrote most of that long poem and re submitted it and since then there has been No comment on the changes and I didn't follow it up..Sorry

Remember Wes has been a away for a while

with computer problems,
remind him

Jess

Sorry I had forgotten, and Wes was absent from another site I went to.
Though that has finished this week so its just Neopoet and the odd other site I post on.
I have my own site which is where all my work ever is being put there but that is an end time job as that's how long it will take to complete.

Re thinking this workshop, It is going to have to be a step outside of us all, to write that piece, we all have our own, but one for a lot of people will have to be something so profound that everyone will take note.
You say I have two plus me on this one, well I am going into my dark room to think, and I will take all the others with me, (Yenti, sparrow, and the children, plus a few more) to see what we can come up with.
"I may be some time", to quote a famous explorer.
Meanwhile "young" man, you look after yourself and know that you are in our thoughts as always, the children say that you are an awkward cuss when it comes to helping you, Yours Ian.T.

"I looked into the Abyss and there I found the ultimate peace"

it's beautiful as is....

How do you improve upon a circle?

Ron

Thanks Ron

I think the first tiny change was OK, but as I said to Stan it is too old and small, to change now.
Thank you for your read and comment, Yours Ian.T

Hi Ian

Damn! you wrote this when I was 3 lol. Wonder if last line changing peaceful to peace loving might be closer to what you meant to convey (as if you can recall intent from the time of dinosaurs lol)....................stan

Stan

I found this dinosaurs footprint as a fossil in a lump of basalt, I did change a small word or two but the poor little thing screamed and said leave me alone, I am too old to change the thoughts of a 15 year old just ask the Grandchildren lol, Thanks for your read and comment. Take care out there, Yours Ian.T