Autumn Walk

grinding ink
rice paper for the haiga
ginkos remain

maple leaf dances
across stony creek
syncopated

warm sunlight
red leaf filtered
brisk breeze

dried leaves swirl
raise and fall on the eddy
cul-de-sac

dead birch stands out
among red gold and orange
old ghost

black and white
ink streaked rice paper
fall colors appear

About This Poem

Last Few Words: In this haiku sequence my intent is for each haiku to stand alone and for the sequence to be more than the sum of the parts. Bryan

Style/Type: Structured: Eastern

Review Request Direction: How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Western Mass, USA

Favorite Poets: Adelaide Crapsey

Comments

hi bryan

I like the introductory
‘grinding ink
rice paper for the haiga
ginkos remain’

i think the closest to true haiku is
‘dead birch stands out
among red gold and orange
old ghost’

and I like
‘maple leaf dances
across stony creek
syncopated’

imho the satoris (is that the pleural of satori ? - lol) are weak
none of them make me go ‘oh’

i do like the way you have caused them to read as if we were watching the construction of the writes/ art... a pleasant and descriptive 'walk'

keep on, I like the way your mind works
btw – did you see my thoughts on your ‘aware’ on my ‘satori’ ?

love judy
xxx