An Autumn Come Home
You made me feel
as the young woman indeed
in the Garden of Eden
nude absolutely
No fear of Adam’s
spear
he was meant to sow tears
But youth has since evaded
we have been with burden loaded
The leaves and petals
have all withered away
come autumn now our way
smear all fragrance away
all colorful hues go too
whom, does autumn bare
as if she was another one
of his ware
We all love to see ourselves
in a mirror
like a tree
abandoned of all leaves
wrinkles left only...
Am I not depicting autumn?
Autumnally
as it is now coming
A lover of naturality
one time beauty
that I be
Wow autumn it’s me...
(Poem inspired by an old, really old man's poetry
He composed when his young wife, became like autumn.
But still he loves her, passed eighty.)
Comments
Hi loved
I REALLY like the comparison of wrinkled skin and a bare tree's bark. It was worth the read for that alone ......stan
kindness
hope others will see
nothing
Wow
I really love this
wow
I love all wows
and autumnal vows
so now all bows
let more arouse
Clearly you have spent more time and thought
in constructing this than usual and it shows. It is consistent thematically, I'm glad to see you have foregone the pretentious archaisms you are prone to and the final message is lovely, poignant, portraying acceptance and love of life and nature right up to our barren years.
A few lines bothered me and I suspect they are where you forewent meaning for the sake of rhyme. I don't understand them, perhaps I'm wrong and you can explain-
No fear of Adam’s spear
he was meant to so tear
as if she was another one
of his ware
You have written better poems by accident, this one shows you can think deeply and construct good poetry. Keep at it and I believe you could realise your poetic potential and rise to the ranks of Importance.
Proud of you, my friend, but if you refer to me as your master again I may be obliged to track you down and give you a smack upside the head. [grins].
hello jess thanks ... a tear washes my eyes .. rain in autumn !
hello jess thanks ... a tear washes my eyes .. rain in autumn !
No fear of Adam’s spear* ...(*Metaphor for male's penis)
he was meant to so tear**.....(**metaphor for copulation .. was it not man's deepest intention then and even now)
as if she*** was another one
of his ware****.........................***metaphor for any woman ...as an autumn **** tree's leaf... personal .....................................................possession)
May be my views appear camouflaged here!!!!!
Am I now better or need to steer clear.
A beautiful poem with
A beautiful poem with allegories depicting women as autumn. I had a wonderful read Lovedly.
not myself poet
but just any woman of our times
moderna creation....
Glad you fared well to compare
thanks poet
I see that now, Lovedly.
I see that now, Lovedly.
I agree with...
Jess on this one! Some of those references are a bit obscure, but I see where they are coming from with your explanation to Jess. You have the potential to become a very, very good poet! Keep writing and thinking those deep thoughts. You are soooo much better than you were when I first started reading you. ~ Gee.
.
My Dear Geezer Poet sir
I salute you
as you all have blessed me
with so many feed backs
After the result of this Autumn One
I will write a blog on how
NEOPOET'S POETS teach one
a novice poet like me
has been so polished thanks to all of you
I BOW...
Lovedly
grateful kindness and thanks
I am indebted to
Geezer
Ian
jess
Serendipity
Stan
in
ALPHABETICAL ORDER
to have polished a charcoal
into a diamond,
a machine gunner
to a sniper
Neopoeter!!!
amen
No need to thank my well wishers
I only
B O W
Loved then
Lovedly now
Hi Loved,
I have to agree with Jess as well.
You could fix it easily with something
like this " so tear" to "sow tears" ... then
it would say what you mean for it to say.
Definitely one of your gems ... thanks for
all of your participation Lovedly.
Richard
thanks the moonman
how I wish you had read it early
never mind a guy was to be given a Nobel
He said go to hell
why do you want to limit me
he threw his belt and knelt
for not being given the NOBEL
so I take Q too
and
thanks to you
They gave me a
SPECIAL MENTION TOO
amended to better myself
credit goes to jess the moonman and gee
.....''You have the potential
to become a very, very good poet!
Keep writing and thinking those deep thoughts.
You are soooo much better than you were
when I first started reading you. ~ Gee.
I stand by my last reply to you.
You petulantly gave me nothing on my last poem and you say I have given you so much.
So you get nothing, NOTHING, from me until you give helpful feedback to others, don't worry about mine.
Show me examples of helpful feedback from you to others or I will never even acknowledge your poetry again.
yes jess...just perchance
not wilfully
but you never Congratulated me
when I was given an HM
and
if you go see
I have stopped composing here
many poetry
and
have commented daily on many
you can gloss over if you please
o my master
excellent poet -cum- critique
poet ye
AND YES SAD JESS PASSED AWAY
AND YES SAD JESS PASSED AWAY so early
My Dawn
you were my first love born
I took you for a dance
once I had my maiden chance
we danced remember Dawn
though the night
your parents were watching from the balcony
I wanted to kiss you
hug you
closely I nearly lipped your nose too
Remember you said
they had eagle eyes
you scared me out of my wits
then you did smile
But I lied
said yes
I know they will only wrath bestow.
and
I withdrew from dancing
being dangerously
too near and slow
Years into the passage of time
I now feel like a coward indeed
why did I not take a chance
just to kiss
perhaps they'd too have
admired us
my O what a miss
Well many tonnes of water
has since flowed down
the MISSISSIPPI the NILE the THAMES
now tears can't help
the time's lost wonderful
and memorable games
just recall the time gone since
but you and I have become a living entity
you in someone Else's arms
so am I
Time heals they say
but my loss of that day
makes me feel like a coward
till today
But it was a risky chance for me
I was mounting a new career
the kiss could have resulted
in the end of me
just @19
An Autumn Come Home
You made me feel
as the young woman indeed
in the Garden of Eden
nude absolutely
No fear of Adam’s
spear
he was meant to sow tears
But youth has since evaded
we have been with burden loaded
The leaves and petals
have all withered away
come autumn now our way
smear all fragrance away
all colorful hues go too
whom, does autumn bare
as if she was another one
of his ware
We all love to see ourselves
in a mirror
like a tree
abandoned of all leaves
wrinkles left only...
Am I not depicting autumn?
Autumnally
as it is now coming
A lover of naturality
one time beauty
that I be
Wow autumn it’s me...
(Poem inspired by an old, really old man's poetry
He composed when his young wife, became like autumn.
But still he loves her, passed eighty.)
some may like to
scan again