Sarah Shaw
Sarah Shaw
May 03, 2023

Armour

Unravelled
frayed around the edges
Thread bare
patches of mis matches.
Knotted
Weaved
Tied
Held together
by a thread.
That thread was
Golden
Molten
Strong
That golden thread
helped her hang on.
And stitch by stitch
it began to grow
Within her
around her
it continued to sew
Till no one could ever hurt her
when she wore her golden armour.

About This Poem

Review Request Direction: What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Kent UK, GBR

More from this author

Comments

neopoet

The below is a computer generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

/5

"Armour" is a short and simple poem that explores the idea of personal strength and resilience. The imagery of frayed edges and mismatched patches effectively conveys a sense of vulnerability and imperfection, while the golden thread serves as a symbol of hope and perseverance. The repetition of the phrase "that golden thread" adds a sense of consistency and stability to the poem, emphasizing the importance of holding onto something strong and reliable during difficult times.

However, the poem could benefit from some additional depth and nuance. The metaphor of the golden thread feels a bit heavy-handed and could benefit from further exploration or variation. Additionally, the poem's structure and language are fairly straightforward and lack the poetic flair and musicality that could elevate the piece.

As for the suggested line edit, one possible adjustment could be to rephrase the final line as "when she donned her golden armor", which adds a sense of ceremony and ritual to the idea of putting on protective gear. This small change could help to strengthen the poem's theme of personal empowerment and transformation.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Ruby Lord

The way you wrote this, the patterns in your words, the format, I think it was great as it lead the readers eye down the page to the ultimatum. Your subject and use of words was good too and I enjoyed your poem, thank you :)