Will you remember me tomorrow,
as you remembered me today?
Or will I become a stranger to you,
someone you will hold at bay.
How long will the memories last,
before they get lost within past's folds?
Will I need to remind you of stories of when?
Or will you hear them as though the first time told?
Will you remember the name you had given to me?
Or begin to see me as another's child?
Do you even recall the days of your youth?
When your vitality for life was running wild.
How long do I have until time takes you away,
and I am erased permantently from your mind?
I pray that the worst of things leave you first,
so that you will only know of when the world was kind.
Always, will I treasure the moments given to us,
and be thankful for each blessed day.
Forever, in my heart you shall reside,
Even after your life has slipped away.
Apr 30, 2012
Alzheimer's
About This Poem
Review Request Direction: What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Not actively editing
Comments
sad and simply put
a few too many question marks that detracted my attention from the write...
and can i suggest you break this into quatrains? - all the better for leaving breathing and thinking time for the reader...
Will you remember me tomorrow,
as you remembered me today,
or will I become a stranger to you,
someone you will hold at bay? -- for rhythm sake i would suggest 'someone you'll hold at bay?'
How long will the memories last,
before they get lost within past's folds?
Will I need to remind you of stories of when
or will you hear them as though the first time told?
Will you remember the name you had given to me -- again, for rhythm, i suggest 'Will you remember the name you gave me'
or begin to see me as another's child?
Do you even recall the days of your youth
When your vitality for life was running wild? -- for rhythm again - 'When your vitality for life ran wild?
How long do I have until time takes you away,
and I am erased permantently from your mind? -- typo 'permanently'
I pray that the worst of things leave you first,
so that you will only know of when the world was kind. -- maybe 'remember' instead of 'know of' ?
Always, will I treasure the moments given to us, -- reverse syntax - a bit awkward - perhaps 'Always, I will treasure '
and be thankful for each blessed day.
Forever, in my heart you shall reside,
Even after your life has slipped away.
all imho i stress
a lovely write
- many would relate to it
love judy
Thank you so much Judy...I
Thank you so much Judy...I really appreciate you helping me with my form and writes. :D I am so looking forward to discussing poetry in the future :)
Nicely done
I'm not a free verse fan (but I live in the real world and know it is the "form" of choice.) You bring the reader into the situation. I have a couple of Alzheimers poems and know they are a difficult subject. Well done.
I read your poem ....it is
I read your poem ....it is very powerfully written. :: smiles big :: ....I love it when poetry can affect me in such ways ;)
Put me to tears
Well I'm a free writer and I loved it... My dad is in last stage alzheimers and this brought me to tears .. The form was fine for the write it was but i didnt like the fold told rhyme i liked
How long will the memories last,
before they get lost within ( the past) past's folds?
Will I need to remind you of stories of when
or will you hear them as though the first time told?
i liked the last past rhyme scheme bbut i loved the poem... although my way throws the whole thing off...lol... i loved it!!
thanks for you response.
thanks for you response. The line is intended to think of the brain...and how each fold is said to contain memories. If you think it should still be adjusted, please let me know. :D
I wonder if you have ever read my free verse poetry ??? thats
all i know bout composing... this is my maiden visit
but the other day i met an alzhy patient
and asked him if he remembered me
and he said this
''no loved....
ur verse touches
the tips
of my browned brain
"D"
This was a lovely piece of writing, the only thing I can say is no matter what happens to the other person as long as you remain the same..
May your ways be strong enough, to be yourself as time goes by,
Yours Ian.T