Geezer
Geezer
Jul 26, 2023

Advice To Our Politicians...

With his feet of melting clay
he steps back from the stream
He trembles with ice-cold fear
no longer living the dream

Scenes of chaos, he shivers
Nothing ever stays the same
His self-worth is now in doubt
mighty, he once was in name

Ohhh, do not fear my good sir
it's only a fluctuation
The world is ever changing
that will be your salvation

Soon, all will be forgotten
we give the devil his due
No matter what your offense
never trace it back to you

So, dry your feet and walk on
steady yourself with my arm
We can't have you crumbling now
let's make the most of your charm

Shut your mouth and be quiet
don't let them see you are weak
Pull up your socks, tie your shoes
Give them the answers they seek

Can we count on your hubris?
They want only confidence
tell them what they want to hear
and keep your prick in your pants

About This Poem

Last Few Words: A couple of little changes that I thought were in order. Sometimes we are too close to our work to see the flaws.

Style/Type: Structured: Western

Review Request Direction: What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - draft

About the Author

Region, Country: New York State - USA, USA

Favorite Poets: Poe

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Comments

neopoet

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem, "Advice To Our Politicians," appears to be a satirical commentary on the political landscape. It uses vivid imagery and metaphors to convey its message. However, there are areas where it could be improved.

The first stanza sets a strong tone and introduces the character effectively. The use of "feet of melting clay" is a powerful metaphor for instability and vulnerability. However, the transition from this stanza to the second could be smoother. The second stanza introduces chaos and self-doubt, but it is unclear how these themes relate to the initial image of the melting clay feet.

The poem could benefit from more consistent use of meter and rhyme. While some stanzas adhere to a clear rhyme scheme (ABAB), others do not. This inconsistency can disrupt the rhythm of the poem and distract from its message.

The language used in the poem is generally effective, but there are moments where it becomes colloquial or informal ("keep your prick in your pants"). While this may be intentional, it does clash with the more formal, poetic language used elsewhere in the poem.

In terms of content, the poem could benefit from more specificity. While it is clear that the poem is criticizing politicians, it does not provide many details about what exactly the politician has done wrong or how they should improve. Providing more specific examples or suggestions could make the poem's message more impactful.

Overall, the poem effectively uses imagery and metaphor to convey its message, but could benefit from more consistent use of meter and rhyme, more specific content, and smoother transitions between stanzas.

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Lavender

Hello, Geezer,
Ugh...another election closing in. The nastiest of nasty times. Spot on with this. I really like the lack of punctuation, except for the brilliant line, "Can we count on your hubris?" The question mark emphasizes the sarcasm in the line and makes it really stand out.
Thank you,
L

Ruby Lord

Great job Geezer. Humorous undercurrents surface in his struggle to understand the political forum he has undermined to enforce his own world view.
I think the final stanza makes it clear what we’re all thinking and what has always been known:
They only want confidence
tell them what they want to hear

And yes, he’s a prick.

Like Obi, I instantly thought of Trump and his UK doppelganger, Johnson. Two men, of very low standard who should never have been anywhere near politics.
Your poem was great, loved it for all the wrong reasons. Ruby :)

Geezer

I'm seeing a couple of places that could use improvement. I think I should maybe take some of the advice I've been giving. LoL
~ Geez.
.