Rula
Rula
Dec 03, 2014

Adolescent Games

Taking apart petal after petal;
"He loves me"
"He loves me not"
"He loves me"
"He loves not"
Others' might have bloomed,
Not mine though,

It withered out
Alike the taken apart petals.

About This Poem

Last Few Words: Just a silly thought. I am OK :)

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Jordan, JOR

Favorite Poets: I favor the ones who are closer to humanity and

This user supports Neopoet so it can be free to all

More from this author

Comments

wesley snow

This sounded like a complaint. Someone dear is killing you garden? Unless I'm missing something it is really cute.

Rula

Rula

10 years 4 months ago

You might just call it a silly adolescent thought. I am happy you thought it is cute Sir!

R

raj

10 years 4 months ago

As I have observed more than once that you are innovating a lot like this one. I liked it but couldn't resist tweaking those petals to come up with another take...

Soft delicate petals ripped apart
"love me", "love me not"
"touch me", "touch me not"
Alas, a few bloomed
bearing a virgin dew

I sighed with the petals
withered and strewn around
mercilessly
quivering in turmoil

Regards,

Rula

Rula

10 years 4 months ago

and many thanks for your visit. If my words have inspired yours, what more would I have asked.
A lovely take indeed.

mand

mand

10 years 4 months ago

I remember those days! Started around 13 I think. Lost love - sigh I wonder how many actually bloomed? I think your poem would be really effective if it was strategically placed on a picture of a young teenager ( with their loved one in the misty background ) whilst pulling out the petals of the flower! I can just visualize it in my mind's eye. This bought back memories long gone and forgotten! :)

Not sure but I think there are a couple of typo's. :)

Taking apart petal after petal;
"He loves me"
"He loves me not"
"He loves me"
"He loves not" Not sure if you meant to put in the "me" in this line. ( I don't think it matters though )
Others' might have bloomed,
Not mine though,

It withered out
Alike the taken apart petals. ( Did you mean "alike" of like )?

Either way - thanks for the memories!

Love Mand xxxx

Rula

Rula

10 years 4 months ago

Thanks v. much for your kind unexpected yet dear visit.
I wish you'd have seen the accompanied image that I posted on a site that accept uploading images. I do this often when the piece is somewhat llighthearted like this one.

As for your other notices, they are all intentional.
Indeed your feedback is appreciated as always.

lovedly

he did it
i did it
he liked it
i liked it
we both pulled at it
then we both smiled at it

no petals left
all crumbled
we lay over them
all in bed
wildly spread