Collaborative Poetry for Beginners Renga 17 FEAR

PS:- Surreptitiously rules us.... the us makes it 8 Syllables so it can be dropped.."Surreptitiously rules"
Just a thought, hope this finds you well,
Yours as always Ian..

Your poem takes the Renga out of order;
Jess entered three lines to my two lines lines;
You get to add two lines with 7/7 syllables to Jess's three lines.
And someone else get to entered three lines with 5/7/5 to your two lines.
And so forth.
This method makes it more interesting;

Barbara

I have taken out the three lines and the two left are now OK to add to Jesses part.
I will pay attention soon just went by the old way we use to collaborate.
I will find a place for the three lines I had written somewhere lol.
Take care lovely lady,
Yours as always Ian xx

Ian

Well done

sur/ept/tic/ious/ly rules us

I count seven, Ian.
'ious' could be counted as two syllables but do you really say surreptisheeusly or surreptishusly? Hmm could be a Brit versus Aussie versus American pronunciation.
Anyway we are not strict about syllable count.

That's OK Jess

I used a syllable counter on the whole thing and it threw up that the us was extra.
Not to bother it had been wrong before.
Some of the countries pronounce words differently and maybe the one I use was American (smiling)
If all on that write is OK just ignore my comment, I leave that to your better judgement.
Hope you are keeping well out there, man cannot live on charcoal, most use it for a fuel to keep warm La La.
Loves you bru, Yours as always Ian..

Oh mate.

Poetry is sound, it is what we hear in our ears and minds. Don't ever use a syllable counter, US or UK at me.
No wonder you have so much trouble with meter.
You listen to your soul and others, you are brilliant at that. You would be a much better poet if you listened to the poetry.
This is kind of an epiphany for me about you. I now understand your often gross misunderstandings of other people's poetry.

Jess

I only ever use syllable counter when constructing any of those Japanese pieces, any other works are just as they are.
I always feel that I have missed a great part of things in not having training or teaching on poetry.
As you should know most of my writes are written within an hour mostly less.
I should take much longer an edit my own writing a lot more before streaming but I am so lazy or it may be an age thing.
Thanks for your years of trying and your excellent teaching.
Take care my Bru you is good,
Yours as always, Ian..

Wanna try this

.
She's a queen bandit
Stealing time under your nose
I doubt you would know.

Nightmares linger in darkness
Waiting to terrorize dreams.

Thief of time, of peace
Surreptitiously rules us
by isolation

Service the peace you now have
Rule with a rod iron.

Killing steadily
At a slow pace, as though the
Pang of a poison.

Wonderful wonderful wonderful

Welcome aboard yung
Perfect addition

What about this...

She's a queen bandit
Stealing time under your nose
I doubt you would know.

Nightmares linger in darkness
Waiting to terrorize dreams.

Thief of time, of peace
Surreptitiously rules us
by isolation

Service the peace you now have
Rule with a rod iron.

Killing steadily
At a slow pace, as though the
Pang of a poison.

Terrors in my dreams
mellows of the day, or in blood red eyes
I would rather sleep with open eyes

Thanks for joining

Sounds good however you're on after yungprinze and your addition to the Renga is 2 lines of 7/7 syllables verses that complement his 3 lines of 5/7/5 syllables verses and so forth.

How can I join

Hi

You are already in just like that by commenting here.
Add 2 lines of 7 syllables to this and you are in the renga poem. Read the poem I've inserted and add two lines 7 syllables to it. Theme is fear.

FEAR
She's a queen bandit
Stealing time under your nose
I doubt you would know.

Nightmares linger in darkness
Waiting to terrorize dreams.

Thief of time, of peace
Surreptitiously rules us
by isolation

Service the peace you now have
Rule with a rod iron.

Killing steadily
At a slow pace, as though the
Pang of a poison.

Wanna add some

FEAR
She's a queen bandit
Stealing time under your nose
I doubt you would know.

Nightmares linger in darkness
Waiting to terrorize dreams.

Thief of time, of peace
Surreptitiously rules us
by isolation

Service the peace you now have
Rule with a rod iron.

Killing steadily
At a slow pace, as though the
Pang of a poison.

easily departing from
your psyche. Slithering down

Hi harmonee

Thanks for joining you're in
Nice couplet

FEAR
She's a queen bandit
Stealing time under your nose
I doubt you would know.

Nightmares linger in darkness
Waiting to terrorize dreams.

Thief of time, of peace
Surreptitiously rules us
by isolation

Service the peace you now have
Rule with a rod iron.

Killing steadily
At a slow pace, as though they
Pang of a poison.

Easily departing from
Your psyche, slithering down

Dear Barbara

Just a thought to a troubled soul..

As if a serpent
Death stalks the inner souls need
Beware of hard fakes.

Take care of you and yours always,
Yours Ian..

New here...really wanna add some

porcelain utopia
mirrored in silent screams.

Thanks Dooreen great work

You right on it
FEAR
She's a queen bandit
Stealing time under your nose
I doubt you would know.

Nightmares linger in darkness
Waiting to terrorize dreams.

Thief of time, of peace
Surreptitiously rules us
by isolation

Service the peace you now have
Rule with a rod iron.

Killing steadily
At a slow pace, as though they
Pang of a poison.

Easily departing from
Your psyche, slithering down

As if a serpent
Death stalks the inner souls need
Beware of hard fakes.

porcelain utopia
mirrored in silent screams.

already constructed

I hope to participate next time

It's still ongoing

This workshop is still ongoing. Just jump in add your piece. Their are no constricting rules just a few guidelines for good order and flow

Barbara

Do we fear deaths grip
Or is it the way we die
We will all still die !!
Just a quick jotting to carry on with it can be put in some place,
Yours as always Ian xx

Sure it'll fit

Thanks for moving it forward. There's no time frame for submitting to this piece. Come all who choose to add their piece to the flow;

FEAR
She's a queen bandit
Stealing time under your nose
I doubt you would know.

Nightmares linger in darkness
Waiting to terrorize dreams.

Thief of time, of peace
Surreptitiously rules us
by isolation

Service the peace you now have
Rule with a rod of iron.

Killing steadily
At a slow pace, as though they
Pang of a poison.

Easily departing from
Your psyche, slithering down

As if a serpent
Death stalks the inner souls need
Beware of hard fakes.

Porcelain utopia
Mirrored in silent screams.

Do we fear deaths grip
Or is it the way we die
We will all still die !!

Consciousness alive;
Tho we die, we never die;

Barbara

Please can someone put the "of" back in my two lines of writing,
"Service the peace you now have
Rule with a rod iron."
Should read:-
"Service the peace you now have"
"Rule with a rod of iron." !!!!!!
Yours Sparrow..

Oh ok

Done

Dear Barbara

Many thanks for the edit I will in a few day add a few more bits but hope that others beat me to the write. Hope all is well with you, just running up to Christmas, so if I don't talk to you before have a lovely time with all your Kin, Yours, as always Ian xxx

NB:- a first part of another section of this work..

I jumped with much fear
Dancing light gave me a fright
Though no one was there.

dear barbara

I jumped with much fear
Dancing light gave me a fright
Though no one was there

shadows display in my head
my heart pounds and threaten to jump into my mouth

Thanks wemimo

Welcome to the workshop; great try; Ian said it all. I’m looking forward to adding your work. I’m waiting on your response to Ian suggestions before adding your great couplets to the poem

wemimo

The format of these types of poems following the Japanese way of writing.
They are usually written with the syllable s being a little strict,
The first part is:- 5 then 7 then 5 syllables per line
The second part is:- 7 then 7 syllables.
Then the whole thing starts again, we are not as rigid as the Japanese system but it is as near as can be

I have written your second line as follows:-

"Pounding heart jumps into mouth"

This follows the setting as near as possible, I hope this has helped.
Take care,
Yours as always Ian..

Fear

FEAR
She's a queen bandit
Stealing time under your nose
I doubt you would know.

Nightmares linger in darkness
Waiting to terrorize dreams.

Thief of time, of peace
Surreptitiously rules us
by isolation

Service the peace you now have
Rule with a rod of iron.

Killing steadily
At a slow pace, as though they
Pang of a poison.

Easily departing from
Your psyche, slithering down

As if a serpent
Death stalks the inner souls need
Beware of hard fakes.

Porcelain utopia
Mirrored in silent screams.

Do we fear deaths grip
Or is it the way we die
We will all still die !!

Consciousness alive;
Tho we die, we never die;

I jumped with much fear
Dancing light gave me a fright
Though no one was there.

Fuck everything and run
Face everything, all's real

Thanks for participating

I’m gonna end this worshop December 31 and post the Renga Poem to stream. So anybody want in, come one come all before time expires.
I will be starting a new workshop for January 2018. Any ideas for a theme you’d like to write about

Wow! This is shaping up one of the best yet Barbara,

you are the best and we are all grateful for your work and commitment.

I offer a two line acronym for fear-

fuck everything and run
face everything, all's real

Thanks

Nice one

Renga

FEAR
She's a queen bandit
Stealing time under your nose
I doubt you would know.

Nightmares linger in darkness
Waiting to terrorize dreams.

Thief of time, of peace
Surreptitiously rules us
by isolation

Service the peace you now have
Rule with a rod of iron.

Killing steadily
At a slow pace, as though they
Pang of a poison.

Easily departing from
Your psyche, slithering down

As if a serpent
Death stalks the inner souls need
Beware of hard fakes.

Porcelain utopia
Mirrored in silent screams.

Do we fear deaths grip
Or is it the way we die
We will all still die !!

Consciousness alive;
Tho we die, we never die;

I jumped with much fear
Dancing light gave me a fright
Though no one was there.

Fuck everything and run
Face everything, all's real

Can I hold a dream?
Mama, Papa my life blood
You hide them from me.

Pointed flame sticks seep from you
Even my children taken

Barbara

Barbara just a last minute piece to add if it comes up to the standard we are seeing here:-
They left my soul here
Taken with hate of all kind
I so foiled their ways.

They just took my reflection
Let it end with my freedom..

You all have a lovely Holiday season,
I will be thinking of you all, and sending Unconditional love,
Yours as always, Ian xx

Barbara

Just a touch of African Fear:-

Can I hold a dream?
Mama, Papa my life blood
You hide them from me.

Pointed flame sticks seep from you
Even my children are taken

Have a wonderful New year young Lady xxx

Lovely addition

Thanks Ian.

Are you going to post it to the Stream?

With credits to everyone involved, when you decide it is finished, Barbara?

Thanks to everyone for participating

Finish Renga 17 FEAR

FEAR
She's a queen bandit
Stealing time under your nose
I doubt you would know.

Nightmares linger in darkness
Waiting to terrorize dreams.

Thief of time, of peace
Surreptitiously rules us
by isolation

Service the peace you now have
Rule with a rod of iron.

Killing steadily
At a slow pace, as though they
Pang of a poison.

Easily departing from
Your psyche, slithering down

As if a serpent
Death stalks the inner souls need
Beware of hard fakes.

Porcelain utopia
Mirrored in silent screams.

Do we fear deaths grip
Or is it the way we die
We will all still die !!

Consciousness alive;
Tho we die, we never die;

I jumped with much fear
Dancing light gave me a fright
Though no one was there.

Fuck everything and run
Face everything, all's real

Can I hold a dream?
Mama, Papa my life blood
You hide them from me.

Pointed flame sticks seep from you
Even my children taken

And here they survived
Five hundred years of slavery
In America

A land they call “of the free”
Waken to their mystery

Written by
Barbara Writes
sewie smalls
YungPrinzeT
CyphaaKinggHS
weirdelf
Sparrow
Nelly Nestor
Johnconstantine
wemimoyikanye
Jess tapper

The Collaboration Poetry Workshop
Eternal Renga
American Version of Japanese Poetry

Welcome all Neopoet members to join in the round robin fun.

Workshop: Modern Day Collaborative Poetry (Renga)

Description: This is a workshop where all Neopoets can collaboratively write, share, critique and sharpen poetic skill. .

Leader: Barbara Writes

Objective: The object of this workshop is to bring Neopoets together to write poetry collaboratively. Bring your creativity and imagination to the only workshop roundtable on the World Wide Web.

Level of expertise: Open to all.

Subject matter: We will collaboratively write a Japanese poem called "Renga http://www.healinglovenotes.com/renga-poetry.html. It can be about anything. Whoever writes the first stanza determines the theme; The first person writes 3 lines; First three lines are structured as follows 5/7/5 syllables.
The second person adds two lines to the first three to complement it; The two lines are structured as 7/7 syllables.
Then the 3rd person writes 3 lines; The 4th person adds 2 lines to the to complement it and so forth.

Example;

She ate red apple
It was the tastiest
A big worm popped out;

Like a girl she ran away
A screeching sound bellowing.