I'm leaving
my heart
is totally yours
hasn't it always been?
Why would I confuse it?
Why would I live
the illusion
that it'll one day
be mine again?
Keep it,
take care of it,
nourish it with your breath
until death
my heart shall be yours
I am leaving
darn it!
Don't do this. I've read too many blogs about those who were actually LEAVING the site. lol. Now let this old fart recover his equilibrium and return later to read this poem..................stan
Stan!
Thanks for reading...Appreciate the advice..
awesome
just a couple of thoughts, not crits even...
'am leaving
my heart is totally yours'
i would write as
'am leaving
my heart
is totally yours'
- it introduces and emphasises the threefold statement of the whole write - you are leaving, you are leaving your heart, you are leavng your heart with him...
ditto with
'Why would I live the illusion
that it'll one day
be mine again'
to
'Why would I live
the illusion
that it'll one day
be mine again'
- just gives a bit of emphasis to those words 'live' and 'illusion'
lol - as you know by now, all imho
i think this is a great write rula - ijust one question - why did you put it on a blog?
love judy
xxx
Hello judy
Thanks again
Appreciate the suggestion..I sure shall keep them in mind for the coming writings
Now as for Why in the blog?
May be I felt it is sort of a little private - though I know it is open for the public
Or , which is more likely
I was trying to hide so Juddy won't give a crit..BUT No Way ...Judy is here, Judy is there
Judy is everywhere :) ..You know I'm kidding ..Very much indeed I appreciate your comments and suggestions..
Love and hugs
me
lol I’m everywhere, I’m
lol I’m everywhere, I’m everywhere
no getting away from me
rula you need the ‘I’ at the beginning of the poem. it is probably my fault as I performed a typo in my crit and accidently left it off
love judy
xxx
hello Rula
like my dear friend Stan i was sort of done in by the title and said to myself "why again someone wants to leave Neopoet when its nice to have many new members joining in"..
the concept of leaving the heart behind while leaving the loved one physically epitomizes love very nicely.....
not being a pro it wouldn't be fair for me to critque..i leave it for he the more accomplished ones like Judyanne ..Kailashanna and so many others whose comments you could dwell upon seriously..
Thank you raj
Kind of you raj to drop such a kind comment..
Hi
Told you I'd be back lol. I think the idea of leaving while allowing the heart to stay behind was great. And I see no reason to make any suggestion not already covered..............stan
Stan..
leaving two comments for that little piece means a lot..Thank you ...
I read this as leaving a
I read this as leaving a lover,
and leaving him/her with your heart,
a kind of unrequited feeling of loss
which makes this a very meaningful poem,
it hits us in the stomach
and we sense its pathos.
You've got character Rula.
Ann
Sorry for the
late reply dear Anna
I am happy you like it and feel it true.
I miss you. :(
I was upset when I read the
I was upset when I read the blog title. It is a beautiful poem, but I thought you were leaving us,
joe
I can't leave here Joe
Never ! :)
Hi Rula
Me too! You are soo good at projecting honest emotion! It certainly shines through in this little gem!
LOve Mand xxxx
Bravo xxxx
Love Mand xxxx
Mand!
so nice to see you here dear and espcially on one of my favorite poems.
It really pleases me.
Any new works?
I shall keep an eye :)
Hi Rula
I've had a day off Yeah! But Grandchildren at the weekend and back to work next week! ( Sunday is sometimes quiet but that depends on if the grandchildren stay over night ). Yesh! Anyway Loved your poem! Don't worry about looking at mine! Not important!
Love to you
Mand xxx
Me too.
What you do to my heart.
The poem is lovely.
Why a blog?
i now see
too large UNDISCOVERED LISTS
mOre r reading Blogs only
this is old poetry in new bottles
may be
not seen Jess lately
This is because
the policy of the undiscovered list has changed. Two comments now needed before it is considered as a read post Loved.
Sir!
Not sure why a blog. Really!
But having a comment from you here means really a lot.
I mean it.
You certainly gave a scare.
You certainly gave a scare..lol.. to all those who appreciate your presence and postings here....
Not intended though
raj! :)
Rula
You worried quite a few.
The fact that you left your heart behind was grand.
I have tied it to you with an unbreakable bungee cord this will stretch and return you to us where we will always look after your heart.
It will be in a case of unconditional love, so that all will know that it belongs to you, it will sing the songs that only a heart can, of feelings long forgotten but when the heart is exposed as this one is, all will understand its beauty and songs,
Yours, Ian