I stroke the paddle one more time
today the water's calm and clear
so it carries me a little way
as if suspended in mid-air
above a world of moss and fin
With each smooth and careful stroke
I get nearer to that other shore
which began as a mere hazy dream
oh, so many years before
when this day was unthought of
and tomorrow seemed for ever
Not all strokes cleaved waveless waters
many storms near swamped my journey
tutoring my arms and hands
to navigate through muddy waters
where unseen dangers dwell
Shallows to halt steady progress
Tides to carry me off course
Shoals upon which to crash my vessel
It seemed too many whitecap days
on water clear as chocolate milk
all leading to abrupt delays
But even those imperfect times
were part of my getting here
where I sit among life's gathered rime
as that far shore grows so near
Comments
I think
And this is just my humble opinion that you are better in structured poetry.You are damn good at giving details which I feel doesn't go with free verse.I'm sure it is only me, but if I'm writing this I'd loose many words here but hey wait to hear from the experts, I only wanted to say hey,I've enjoyed that journey:-)
Hi Rula
Structured poetry IS my forte. But I find that even attempting free verse on occasion helps me in my usual forms. But in attempting free verse I tend to break the rules which free verse supposedly distains by inserting more imagery and even some (gasp!) rhymes lol. Guess free verse is not as free as proponents think lol. In any case, thanks for taking the time to read and comment on this.............stan
since you ask :)
the rhythm - i don't like.... are you trying to give a feeling of the roughness of the journey?
doesn't work for me stan - i really feel these sort of writes need to stay true to form
lol just me maybe
i like the title
- would suggest 'white water rafter'
you have also used 'time' as well as 'waters' twice as end rhymes/ line ends
but as usual, i enjoyed the text and subtexts of this
love judy
xxxx
Hi Judy
Hmmm..... guess I failed to convey that not every stroke was through rough waters. I'll need to study this over for where I lost that. "stay true to form" ......You know this is supposed to be free form .....was I not free enough?.....stan PS I'll also look and see what bothers you about those words as end line rhymes
lol
free form - free verse - got confused
this is so close to an iambic rhythm that goes off the rails every now and then, it reads more as blank/occasional verse
my bad.... lol
i think you are too close to a form here stan to get away with the roughness of the read
lol - but you know that's just me...
i still love all your themes..
love judy
xxx
hi Judy
LOL My free verse has too much rhythm and my traditional not enough lmao. Oh well, I'll get them right one of these ol'days..................................stan