On hot summer days
my mind drifts back to the past
fishing beaver ponds
with my departed brother
to escape the heat
Jul 07, 2012
HOT DAY THOUGHTS (Japanese shop Tanka)
About This Poem
Last Few Words: Of the Japanese forms covered so far I think this one allows the most freedom in expression
Style/Type: Structured: Eastern
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
great job, there is a reality and a sadness there
The form doesn't allow terribly much in the way of emotion in my opinion, I go for mostly images, but you've navigated that very well. Beautiful Tanka.
Ron
Blue Demon77
hi Ron
It took a while to come up with a short write that had some nature,imagery and emotive content. Thanks for visiting.............stan
Gently poignant,
yes, it does evoke a mood and imagery. I'd say you've nailed it, mate.
Hi Jess
You sound surprised lol. I guess I Can write without ambling along so much if forced to. Thanks for coming by.............stan
Stan
You have brought a load of things to the mind with a few words, and as usual a memory of something that you carry with love,
Yours Ian.T
hello Ian
Thank you for such kind comment................stan
i'm not in the workshop
but i just want to say that you have here a really good cutting line stan
well done
great word usage also, that elicits images that cause an emotive response - exactly what the form is supposed to do
nothing here to crit
love judy
xxx
Hi "J"
Even a blind hog finds an occasional acorn lol. I'm glad you came by and took time to read my 1st tanka........stan
Stan
I knew you could do it. and your first Tanks is wonderful. the imagery is fine tune standing out like a art piece put to painting.
Hi
Could not have done it without this shop to show me how...............stan
Stan
makes me happy to know the workshop helped you:)