Ozone has been shot

Ozone has been shot
sky weeps
lay a hand,even you can feel earth's quaking
science says its just a flesh wound
nothing eternal.
But look and you will see our bite marks on mother nature's nipples
Ingrates we are!
Our effects are two fold;boomerang and ripples.
Ozone has been shot
night is mourning
Our need for a fag sent billows of smoke into the unborn yet in its 1st trimester
Our gay and bi-laws were bye laws to sanity.
Because we seeked friendship for tweety and slyvester
Our reasonings were never down to earth
but suspended in gravity.
We made Nature our Study,but never studied Nature,
Our Corrections are worse than the mistakes that earned us a low mark
Tsunami and heat waves more than any life could bear to see
Pictures of polar bears, Oca and shark
extinct as we are bound to be.
Ozone has been shot
Now the world is hot!

About This Poem

Last Few Words: This came to me from the wave of stories from the media.

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft

About the Author

Comments

thanks

sometimes poetry is a release for me,sometimes its just a way of boasting that i have an analytic mind-this sort of vain-ness helps for self-esteem. Hehe poetry to me is expression... A connubial of mind and words. Thanks lonnie

Temidayo

As Lonnie said a mini rant but it is good to let off steam..
The killer Whale is an Orca (Orcinus orca) we have already lost so many things.. There may come a time when the last thinking creature probably in the Sea will think "Look what man has done to Me" we cannot destroy the Earth, we are too feeble it will be here many years after we have gone no matter how many disasters in the films they make and how they save Mankind every time.Tell that to the dinosaur's and ask them could Man have saved you lol.... How stupid they are .....
Yours Ian.T

Cool rant, dude. ;-)

The title grabbed my attention, (so clever!) and you never missed a single shot (or poke) in the I.

Thanks.

thanks all

Thanks again. Ian and Kal

Well I'm not going to call this a rant.

I feel impassioned intelligence, the clear eye of the poet.
This is almost everything I want from poetry.
Almost?
I'm not going to crit the numerous tiny typos, you've explained you have difficulties typing into a phone.
No, it's just that I, personally, would like to see some more prosodic values.
Maybe it's because I'm an ageing man, I love a bit of meter. But then, would that not have taken away from this piece?

ready to learn meter iambic

ready to learn meter iambic,penta logic and the art of storytelling in rhyme. but it's more of time. my days are lab work choked but I love the.job. my night's are filled with my resting form in seamless sleep. but I will have time. currently we are organising a free eye examination for.150.people with sickle cell.disorder .I happen to ne the co ordinator yet I double in duty as the need arises. I want to read from others, post stuff. join a workshop for learners and maybe win though much later, win me something.thanks Jess

you have a poet’s mind temidayo

I think this is a very powerful statement

but (and i stess this is imo only - others may disagree) it is rather convoluted,
i think it could be made more powerful if it was a tad more succinct
here is my suggestion for edit and layout – just imo

ozone has been shot
sky weeps
earth quakes

science says it’s just a flesh wound
nothing eternal
but look and you will see our bite marks
on mother nature's nipples
ingrates we are

two-fold effects boomerang and ripple
ozone has been shot
night is mourning

our need for a fag
send billows of smoke into unborn
yet in first trimester

gay and bi-laws, bye laws to sanity
as we seek friendship for Tweety and Sylvester

our reasoning never down to earth
but within suspended gravity
we made nature our study
but never study nature,

our corrections worse
than mistakes that earned us a low mark
tsunami and heat waves
more than any life could bear to see
pictures of polar bears, orca and shark
extinct, as we are bound to be

ozone has been shot’
.

love judy
xxx