Rainy Day
Rainy Day
Mar 23, 2012

Till Again

We made love before you even touched me,
For the act of love itself means nothing,
Without the promise,
A vow, a sincerity,
That exists more in the proof of commitment,
Then the heat of the loins,

Yet, when the act was complete,
It was more delicious,
Than the sweetest words ever written,

Two lovers, between one another,
Bare to the bone,
With faces flushed as pink stone,
In blue light of dawn…

My mind knows I love you,
My body feels I love you,
My heart cries, I love you,
And I do,

Yet, such expressions of love should not be taken lightly,
If delved into nightly,
For mad I might become with delight,
And happiness would be hard found in the day,
Till again, you took my breath away.

About This Poem

Review Request Direction: What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: The South, US, USA

Favorite Poets: William Blake

More from this author

Comments

S

This was torrid without being pornographic. Were it me writing this, which it isn't, I would probably have split the three longest lines in half. And you did well using occasional rhyme to enhance this.........stan

Rainy Day

Thank you for your comment. I believe you are right. The 3 longest lines would be better split. I believe I will revise it. I think the poem will look and sound better this way. Thank you so much.

loved

loved

13 years 1 month ago

It reminds me of the folly of all women
day in and day out
they say No
ere they give in
and
we all know that this is not the end
there will be many a repetition
for the juices forbidden
are spice of life
be it with any gal ,
maybe a wife...

China Blue

"for mad I might become with delight" now that is a great line

provocative without being porn nice balance of words

Rainy Day

Thank you all for your comments. Yes 'loved' you are so right. We ladies can only say no for so long till we give in :)

loved

Rainy Day

Thanks
it rains daily
when two folks are ready
and
under the cover of darkness
under bed sheets
no umbrella is needed.
let it rain freely

loved

hope you realised

what was meant by ,
an umbrella
thanks,
It must always continue to rain
and
let it go down the natural drain...