Pieces of Pisces
Wiser now..
I watch the surface
while
all the melted laughter
fades
from your voice
anxiety
fills the muted shadows
draws
the chilling deep
from
the light
of
your love
grown sleepy and heavy
in the twilight of your interest
Last Few Words: This is another poem for the manuscript: Mirror/rorriM
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Great...
storyline! you told the story well and clearly. I could see the player losing interest in his paramour, and she saw it too! The poem flowed well, the words were well thought out and it made sense. Great work! ~ Gee
Dear Sir Gee,
Thank you for your indepth critique. I'm glad you enjoyed this short read. I'm looking forward to the next chat on the darkside!!!
always, Cat
Pisces is a sign ascribed to ''FISH'' ZODIAC WISE
Pisces is a sign ascribed to ''FISH''
Have you ever observed?
how fish swim in a pool
and
then just half way,
turn around without reaching their goal
that's what Pisceans do,
they come along in pieces with you
But are they serious?
One can't say,
they will do
what they want to
with you.
Nice poem yours...
Dear Loved,
Yes, I have observed those finney critters swim, LOL!
I was born on february 18th, the cusp of Aquarius and Pisces. So I often feel like a fish with someone pouring water on my head in my fish tank, LOL! Trying to swim in two dirrections at once.
always, Cat (the other fish is eddy)
That your poem indicates you are a Piscean is obvious, but if
you give me the year and time of birth
i will tell you wonders
You may message me
at your wish and privacy .
My x born on March 18, the
My x born on March 18, the tail end of Pisces, so to speak.
Love the play Pisces and Pieces. And nice *flow* too.
~A
Hello Anna,
So good to see you on my page. Thank you for the read and the comment.
always, Cat
Love poem
I knew this was about what you were feeling!
just from the way you wrote
marvelous poem
well written well paced
and great insight about
the love
How true anxiety
clouds up like little clouds
"Bills" "Health" "idiosyncratic annoyances"
Like all living things needed attention
we are not islands and yet our trade
between each other sometimes fades
One cannot just have an attendant fish
alone ...there must be fair equal trade!!!
One must reach to hold a palm against
theirs As do the very young and too the
aged with their histories t heir comfort
We wall up with pride
as we wan in our twilight
I fight it allways
I see the beauty in t he faces
hear the vigour in the poetic voice
vitality in experience
we are still the youth experience
inside that craved and craves the
touch of recognition and tender
heartdrawn crushs of trade
We have come to know age as
an old freind
a travelling companion
and never a dull moment!!
Thank You
Ooh, loved this, everything
Ooh, loved this, everything smoothly slid into the right places here as I read. Lovely balance and choices in these words..
I was going to choose a favourite section, & couldn't!! All of it too good to leave any out, in my opinion!
Cheers A