I compare you to a mirror’s edge.
you are cunning, as you are cutting.
You are longing to distort my image.
When rough is what is in you,
Ah! The pain I cannot long contain.
When you are smooth and beguiling,
Glistening in the moon light, my soul,
My soul shall take heed of your reflection
And fly from your deceptive presence.
I shall compare you to a still water’s edge;
Like a pale reflection of the night sky,
You do not show your depth and power.
I approached you , innocent as a victim.
I stumbled, and fell into you. I drowned.
Comments
You left one arhcaism
You dost not show your depth and power. [dost] it is incongruous.
The rest is the best of love poems. I normally hate them but you achieved this magnificently.
Ah!
Should've seen that naughty fellow hiding in there. Thanks.
That you like this poem means a lot to me Jess. :)
An unusual poem.
"You dost not show your depth and power......perhaps - you do not show....
You dost doesn't exist.
I approached you , innocent as a victim.
I stumbled, and fell. Into you I drowned." ....
I stumbled and fell into you. Drowned. If you like but the whole thing in one sentence, perhaps with a comma if you want to separate the drowned....
I stumbled and fell into you, drowned.
Ann.
Point noted.
And very much appreciated.