Blood Vow (eddy styx) Updated

Blood Vow

under waxing moon
on the crest of
lustrous night
not to swoon
I took in hand
most venerable blade
making small slit
in open palm flayed
dripping blood
upon virgin ground
giving voice
through forced choice
to vow profound
never to be forgotten
to claim the prize
of blazing eyes
that burned me
to my riven soul
leaving me shaken
and sweat sodden
taking a toll
in abject humiliation
left in this hell
by jaded jezabel
alone to shudder
after force
of evil spell
these damning words
through clenched teeth
I vehemently utter
with breath true
and sound no stutter
my desire to
overtake and gut her

About This Poem

Last Few Words: I'm not real fond of the title. So I look to the reader for alternates. Your suggestions are welcome. Thanks in advance, eddy (& cat)

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Northwestern Wisconsin USA, USA

Favorite Poets: Edgar Allan Poe

This user supports Neopoet so it can be free to all

Comments

Cat

This poem drips with vehement . I found myself backing away from the computer screen no lie. Boy the hate and disgust come through loud and clear. I see nothing in my humble eye that I would suggest or change

Just read your foot note
entire huh
to my God forsaken soul?

title
hmmm

using what is already there
vowed in blood perhaps

Chrys

Thanks Chrys!

For the suggestions, I was about to use "God Forsaken" but Steve came up with "riven" which fits the line and the space very well. I'll think on the title before I make my decision. Thanks for reading. I was thinking of (Patricia) Lynn Ratsberg Waters, when I wrote this. She still fuels my wrathful fires. It is good to know that my words are still effective :) I'd like Lonnie's opinion on this one, too. When he isn't busy fishing, LOL.

always, eddy (& cat)

Dear Mark,

Thanks for reading and the suggestion! I wish we could use symbols in posting, I would for sure use the inverted pentagram, LOL!

always, eddy, (& cat)

Candlewitch,,

Blood Vow:
Poetic: It's magnificent. Your choice of words are precise. not much dictionary work for me. every line is clear with meaning to the speaker and deep imagery of "darkness" and "hate." The speaker knows what he / she is getting into and hopes to achieve.

respects

WonderGolly :)

Thank you WonderGolly

I very much appreciate your reading my work and saying such nice things!

always, eddy (& cat)

Don't use the inverted pentagram!

Very powerful that and poet's are steeped in witchcraft anyway.
My title suggestion is... "Bloody Vow". Best I could do.
I think this is my first Eddy Styx. I'll be looking into your earlier stuff so I can figure him out. I can figure him out, right?

And because I have to... "forgotten" is spelled with two "t's" and "leaving" uses only one "e".
I'm sorry, it's a curse.
This is wicked and makes me want to know the other pieces. Cat, this is storytelling. Also, was it you or Chrys who recently posted another "single sentence" poem? They were used a lot in the 18th and 19th centuries for Faerie Tales. Very appropriate I think.
wesley

LOL! Okay Wesley,

I won't use the inverted pentagram! I appreciate your help, as I value your opinion. It means alot coming from one of Neopoets besr storry tellers! I never turn down help, so you are most welcome. I think it might have been Chrys (China Blue) she is a great poet, in my opinion :)

always, eddy (& cat)