paul
paul
Jan 09, 2012

Confession

Sir, license and registration
Of course officer
let me get my documentation

You were going a hundred in an eighty
Well, officer let me explain
I found a new hobby as of lately

Now, I think you’re intoxicated
Officer, I must disagree
Someone had to be eliminated

Are you admitting to a crime
Well I suppose I am
It got too easy after the third time

Please step out of your car
Yes, let me open the trunk
Would you like her pieces from my jar?

Dispatch, please send homicide
Yes, tell them I’ll confess
I’ll be the serial killer that complied

Will, I be on the front page
On national newspapers
No, you will do fine in a cage

About This Poem

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: New York , USA

Favorite Poets: Cavafi

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Comments

the_fool

only sugestion i can realy think of is in the second S- "you were pushing a hundred and eight.. hobby as of late'
very straight forward and to the point. i'd make an S between 5 n 6 describing the victim or the messy trunk itself, the grittier the better. o, and there's a stray comma in the last S.
i haven't seen one like this yet. is it new? it's pretty good.

t_f

Candlewitch

I read through the_fool's comments and suggestions and I agree with them. The only other suggestion I have is on the title. I would change it to either: Confessed Serial Killer, or Serial Killer Confessed or maybe just "Confession". I enjoyed the read. My alter ego, eddy styx often writes this kind of poem and he enjoyed it too ;)

always, Cat

emogothgirl

i pretty much agree with the above comments; i think a different title would be better.
the content is great, it makes a point. i did have trouble with the three lines thing, but that's just me!
great work!
mag

weirdelf

Check her leg I left a scar
Is wrong, you don't leave scars on a corpse, you would have to have kept her a long time and waited for the wound to heal into a scar before killing her, in my experience (oops, did I say that?)
perhaps
Check her leg I carved my name

infinite_dwarf

y-y-y-yeah.... backs away slowly.

But seriously, good write. One thing that made me twitch was 'that complied'. Would 'who complied' work better? I know, I know, I'm arguing semantics here, but it kind of had the nails-n-chalkboard effect, you know?

Pssstt... Oxyclean might take care of the bloodstains.. Jus' sayin'. O.o

China Blue

OMG lol
Now Iam worried about you
who has been hiding in your person