Let me tarry ever onward,
may sleep's crystals land not,
upon my brow;
I never realized how precious
it would be
to find my cheek upon your bosom, until now.
~
Let me steal away
to where rays of sunshine light your hills,
your garden spills bounty upon my table,
and I'm able
to taste the fruits of our desire.
~
Darkness can awaken your shadows,
I squint to see
if your windows dare look towards me.
Night darkens blue,
and I recall the you,
that awakens all the stars.
Comments
Hi doc,
The double spacing of the lines detracts from the beauty and quality of the poem. They distract the reader. It is my suggestion that you remove them for a smoother poem. I really like these lines:
Let me steal away
to where rays of sunshine light your hills,
your garden spills bounty upon my table,
and I'm able
to taste the fruits of our desire.
You have given this piece great ending lines.
always, Cat
Probably the format,
but not my favorite of yours. Almost too pretentious. I don't know. I didn't like the spacing either, but don't think it slaughtered the poem. The words are still there, but I do like the "appearance" of a poem enough to consider things like that.
wesley
I like the double spacing
as it adds a nice pace and makes each line visually distinct and well-balance (which I think reflects the poem as a whole).
Only thing that disrupted my reading a little was 'until now' in this line "to find my cheek upon your bosom, until now." I think maybe you could without it. But it may just be me and I may be missing the point entirely.
I really love the flow, pacing and sheer balance that the words and the poem as a whole has here.
Beautiful poem:)!