The sweet dream,
A horrendous scream
Aborted.
Secret inner fears,
Now to the extreme
Ignited.
Seeking a gleam
Out in the night
I hurried.
Greed- sharpened claws,
Dripping blood
The soil deeply clenched
Dying Planet
Past glorious days helplessly
Mourned.
Droves of lost earthlings
Dark streets
Roamed
Ravenous sharks ,
biophagous marauders
I recognized
Scrumptious baitballs,
fleshy quarries
Oddly ignored
Predators and preys
For a sanctuary
They all fierily looked
Side by side
The street they sorely
lurched
Doomed
For life they desperately
Gasped
Poisonous belch
Their senses to death
Throttled.
Comments
Hi
i like the theme of this poem and it flows for the first three stanzas, the next three don't fit the rythm , although I like this stanza;
Greed- sharpened claws,
Dripping blood
The soil deeply clenched
I think it would work better if the first 3 stanzas didn't have such a tight rhyme. This stanza doesn't work for me at all :
crumptious baitballs,
fleshy quarries
Oddly ignored
Apart from that I really enjoyed it.
Lou
I like this one!
Talk about post apocalyptic catastrophe. Each stanza is another complete vision presented as pieces of the whole. This poem worked. Period.
wesley
Yeah, I like it too
but not going to give you any useful critique until you start giving it to others too. Neopoet is a community, not a feedback service.
Be brave. I have learned more about poetry from giving critique than I learned studying it academically.
What Jess said.
There is no better way to learn a subject than by teaching it. Start with my shit and be brutal. Jess is. wesley