themoonman
themoonman
Sep 27, 2011
This poem is part of the workshop:

Meter for everyone!

(Read More...)

Snack Time (meter workshop)

Try buttering bread naked, and precariously clumsy.
Invite a mate, one unopposed to a little spillage,
and without the best selling brand of paper towels,
buttered bread, buttered bread, have some fun,
feed a friend.

About This Poem

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: South Carolina, United States, USA

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Comments

S

all seems right to me, but I'm no expert. The last line breaks meter cleanly............stan

wesley snow

Try as might, I can't parse this. It comes out differently each time. What am I doing wrong? JESS!!
wesley

weirdelf

This one is too irregular to parse formally, but that wasn't a requirement for this exercise.
You did succeed in making the ordinary interesting and it reads well,
thanks for your commitment and participation in this workshop,
I know it's been tough for everyone,

judyanne

i haven't followed the workshop - lol - not been here for ages...
so i don't know if my crit is appropriate

however i'll tell it as i see it :)
'Try buttering bread naked, and precariously clumsy.
Invite a mate, one unopposed (now) to a little spillage,
(and -remove)without the best (known) selling brand of (sturdy) paper towels,
buttered bread, (oh) buttered bread, (let's) have some fun,
we'll feed a friend'.

love judy

themoonman

I totally enjoyed this workshop and everyone that
has contributed.

Ian, you are pretty close!

Judy, so good to see you and thank you for the
suggestions, I believe I'll use them, by the way,
do you like buttered bread (lol), so good to see you.