The sky leaves it's
tattered edges
along mountain tops
Mountain tops loom over
towering trees
Towering trees cast shadows
upon the broken land
The broken land cries out
to the night skies
The night skies cloak the earth
in a burial shroud
A burial shroud for the earth
that has died
Comments
Chrys
I loved this one especially Stanza 1. The only thing I would say is it's a little short, would have liked more and in Stanza 5 I think it would be better not to repeat the word shroud, maybe you could say ' the night skies cloaked the earth in a burial shroud'.
Love Lou
hello
Enough metaphors for three or four poems lol.........stan
I'm really taken with this piece, Chrys
the effective use of repetition leads the reader innocently to a grim and inescapable conclusion.
Really good writing.
Dear Chrys,
This is right up my alley! It has all the right things to express depression. I like the whole thing. Even the title gives me shivers!
always, eddy (& cat)
Chrys
A novel script with a novel perception a lovely step by step transition taking one from light into darkness...
Dear Chrys,
I was thinking about our conversations when I read this extraordinary piece. On a re-read I still get shivers.
always, eddy (and Cat)