Smears of neon, glistening light
streak across my blurry sight
Swiftly the wipers push aside
the colored raindrops come to ride
High flying geese in their vees
Trees in brightly colored leaves
The crack of dawn, I see it come
and Summer seems to be all done
Motor sounds and tires shussssh
driving through the puddled slush
Pale yellow light from the sun
I think that Autumn has finally come
Comments
Joe
this sounds like a bough on strings..i agree with Rosi the meter sounds perfect..
just a wee bit of a suggestion you may give a thought for changing
Thin yellow light from the sun
change to
Silken beams of the Sun...
Hi Gee
Might try in perfect vees and light from fading sun and see if it sounds better to you. But it all depends on how it's read..........stan
Gee
Gee,
I love the feel of the poem, my only nit pick is with line 3 of Stanza 1, 'Shadowed wipers,' it does'nt fit some how, about just saying ' Shadows wipe away,' or 'Shadows clear'.
love lou
Thank you all...
for the great critique. I think most of your suggestions were right on the money. ~ Gee