Barbara Writes
Barbara Writes
Aug 26, 2011

When The Light Goes Go

When The Light Goes Go

I watched from my car, sitting outside the electric co op
At people racing to pay bill before their lights go out
A manager unlocking door to let out last customer
Is a hometown friend of my hubby and didn’t have the heart to say
We’re closed, so she let him in

As the manager lets him in, an older lady runs toward door
The manager let’s her in with a smile, suddenly as I watch this scene unfolded
Another man jumped from his car after speeding into the parking lot
This man ran toward the door as the manager lets the older lady in
With a smile she allows him in also

After letting the race car driver in  another car raced into parking space beside me
Out jumps a young man with ponytail of long dreads hanging in middle of his back
He drove up in a beautifully yellow and green painted car with Jamaica on the driver side doors
And a palm tree painted in middle of Jamaica for the “i” and number 6 on his driver side door window
This young fellow wasn’t as confident as he walked slowly toward the electric company with a concern stare hoping to pay his bill, I said no the manager won’t let him, but to my amazement
And delight she lets him in

As she locks the door again behind him another car pulls up; I said she is too late
This manager won’t let another in, sadly the manger walks away from the door
I watched the lady sit in her car not moving, soon I began to feel the sadness I’ve experience
And perceived she was feeling by not having been there on time to pay her bill before the light goes out

About This Poem

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: United States, USA

Favorite Poets: Billy Collins

More from this author

Comments

weirdelf

It needs some work to make it real poetry. Most importantly something to raise it above the level of straight description.

If you edited it harshly, ruthlessly eliminating all the inessential and changed the last line to make the experience reflect something larger in the human condition it could be really good.

Barbara Writes

I would really lime for this to become really good. I think ill enter it in the splash pool . what do you think

weirdelf

enter early.

you would be most welcome in my new workshop on meter. You are a complex, telented woman, flexible, you can do Splash, Olympic and Sharl Pool.

Soon I will strart a workshop on meter. It is open to every one.