raj
Aug 15, 2011
This poem is part of the workshop:

Writing With Emotions

(Read More...)

Baked Beans (Olympic Pool Workshop on Writing with Emotions)

Blind to an unseen gaze
stalking me in the dark alleys I'd ventured
I stumbled on the fracture of confused thoughts
steering them through an insane traffic
deaf to the sirens howling at me
amidst the din of
pendulous swings of my conscience

My seamless thoughts knew no bounds
on hearing gunshots and screams
waking up to read the count
of the Fourth Estate
I felt like throwing up
counting baked beans on my toast
gone rancid...

raj (sublime_ocean)
15aug2011

About This Poem

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Somewhere in the world, IND

More from this author

Comments

R

raj

13 years 8 months ago

you are spot on with the theme of this write and emotion which i have tried to express..thanks for stopping by and your comment..much appreciated...

lou

lou

13 years 8 months ago

I was under the impression that the first poem was going to be about love, I obviously misunderstood. This one seems to be about fear, and you express it very well, not sure what the Baked Beans have to do with the theme, they did'nt seem to fit.

Lou

R

raj

13 years 8 months ago

thanks for your comment ,,i am not aware if the first workshop poem is supposed to be about love..i thought participants can choose the sequences of their choice to express each emotion....this poem is indeed about a mixture of fear hate and guilt about not being able to do enough about the carnage going around the world....the reference to Baked Beans is in the context of innocent lives being taken as easily as baked beans....

R

raj

13 years 8 months ago

as i mentioned before...you have zeroed in on the essence of my write so very correctly and now you have analyzed it so very well...which i appreciate so much....my only worry is if the idea of baked beans and toast is too abstract for it to be conceived..your comment will certainly bring more comprehension to it when others read your comment..thank you so much...

much love...