TO BE A MOUNTAIN

To be a mountain!
Is too some, a life personified
Embodying the characteristic, of a mountain
Their volume of insecurity is larger than life
They need the allusion of strength
For solitude in their pride

To be a river!
Is freedom too some
Flowing without boundaries
The truth will not confine them
To face the lies, that they have become

To be a bird!
With wings of flight
Moving through the mistakes of space and time
Some would betray their own soul
For this chance to leave their own history behind

About This Poem

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Country/Region: USA

Comments

I like,

I like this clever poem, only i would soften it up a little, not the meaning just the structure. Make it less like a statement and flow easier. Regards Roscoe... And a hearty welcome to Neopoet.

TO BE A MOUNTAIN

thank U $ reading this poem and UR love by making a comment

lov2u press

TO BE A MOUNTAIN

I thank U 4 reading my poem I would love to learn all new styles of writing so give me a example but as 4 the structure poetry is basically free from structure [it is a poem] but the flow is different this poem was a Metaphor of personality's or maybe statements of Metaphors in your eyes how the earth, wind and water R like peoples personality's So thanks 4 the love also I have read so of UR work to

Welcome back Press

Another deep write we have tonight here and I really like it. I just did a few tweaks for you and yes I agree Ian is correct as it should be to not too.
Let me know what you think and use or flail if you do not like it

TO BE A MOUNTAIN

To be a mountain!

Is to some, a life personified
Embodying the characteristics of a mountain
Their volume of insecurity is larger than life
They need the allusion of strength
for solitude in their pride

To be a river!

Is freedom to some
Flowing without boundaries
the truth will not confine them
to face the lies, that have become

To be a bird!

With wings of flight
through mistakes of space and time
Some would betray their own soul
for a chance to leave their own history behind

Press I really like this free verse as it also spoke to me in thought indeed. Great job!!

Blessings