what if
after i cried and
the door slammed
and sirens stopped
and tubes
threaded down
my throat were
wormed into veins
if crevices were
given up to
your hands that
do not love me
after tongues
like steel
tug of latex and
lysol sheets
light, tight as
swaddling
what if suddenly
THANK YOU CHRIST
by your side in bed
there is a lover
the dog is there and
house is humming at 3 a.m
the way it
unbuckles your brain
and your blankets
bless your sinking
and outside you hear
it's raining
it's raining a small rain down
Comments
Did you see that movie?
Did you see that movie? *Angels and Insects* ...I got a lot of mileage from it, quite different than yours,
but this poem is much like my dream last night.
You poem pulled my entrails and left them soaking in your poem. It's been a long time since a poem had a visceral effect on me like this one.
What if everything were perfect as it is?
Thanks CC.
I did
My mind weaves strange thoughts with movies I guess, but you're right about things being as good as they get sometimes perfection means there is nothing left to risk. Thanks Ana
A good poet weaves *real*
A good poet weaves *real* life into their poems, consciously and unconsciously. That's why I have such an uneasy time when folks try on other people in poems, without even trying to walk a mile in their moccasins.
A good poet also inspires a poem that is not *oh, you are such a great person* poem, but a poem that is inspirational. Thank you.
~A
My poems are always parts of
My poems are always parts of me, it's the only way I know how to write
wow
chez, this is raw intensity. your work always connects with me, but this, this screams! your images are so strong, beyond strong, absolutely potent. i would like to see this piece end at::
"and outside you hear
it's raining"
i don't understand the significance of the end line? ordinarily, your end line is your strongest image, which is what i feel in the line above, strength. is there a particular reason for the final line or a meaning i'm missing in my interpretation?
nevertheless, this piece rocks! i adore your work, c. i feel honored to know you! :)
~lori
Lori the idea is to bring
Lori the idea is to bring this poem down to a minute moment, the tiniest thing, a baptismal moment where everything else that is not right or feels right, the person you should love or should love you is brought down to that one small rain coming down, it's significance is insignificant yet means everything, it's ending on a whisper rather than a boom, thank you for always asking and always reading me :)
oh well, that makes complete
oh well, that makes complete sense then! that final line does dwindle down to a fraction of the whole. thanks for explaining to the not yet awake! lol always a pleasure to read you first thing in my morning. :)
I absolutely loved the ending
I absolutely loved the ending.
"it's raining a small rain down"... I don't know why it effects every atom in me, but that it does is no mystery.
Bless you.
~A
Free verse
Since I am so new here I have not been exposed to many of the poets yet. So, you're comments on my Big Ass Poem made a choice for me and I sought you out.
If you have not already gathered from my other poems and my comments, then you won't know that free verse is my least favorite form of poetry. I have also said this a fair number of times- Though I don't like free verse doesn't mean I have not found free verse that I liked.
Here is the reason why I like this one. When I offer my BAP to someone, I tell them HOW to read the poem for best effect. "Read it swiftly. Don't try to make it "sound" poetic. Just read it the way you would a piece of prose. Let the punctuation and content dictate how you would read it. The poetry will take care of itself.
This poem "made" me want to read it fast. It just rolled on from one piece to the next. It was effortless and unrelenting. If the rest of your poetry stored here is this strong, then I'm going to be glad of it.
wesley
Thank you Wesley, my poetry
Thank you Wesley, my poetry pretty much is here unless the some 6000 are stored offsite for editing or revisiting at some stage. I write quickly too and I write from personal experience or observation as it's the best way i feel for a poet to evoke emotions and feelings from their readers. I thank you for getting through my dreaded free verse which as like Bukowski can be fairly raw.