05/24 My Favorite Childhood Toy

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The Balarina: my favorite Childhood toy

When I was a little child,
I had my toys, stacked and piled.

Lego blocks, and flying kites,
model princesses and those of knights.

Miniature cars of every size,
dolls and bears with big, wide eyes.

Sand-buckets and toy-aeroplanes,
colored balloons and grand toy-trains.

Then I got a special gift,
that no one child would e'er resist;

a music box, made my day;
a balarina popped up to play.

It filled my heart with real joy,
though one might think it wasn't a toy.

That wasn't all, however as yet;
she wore the dress I dreamt to get.

About This Poem

Style/Type: Structured: Western

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Jordan, JOR

Favorite Poets: I favor the ones who are closer to humanity and

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Comments

Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "The Balarina: my favorite Childhood toy" effectively utilizes a simple rhyme scheme to convey a sense of nostalgia and childhood joy. The first two stanzas effectively set the scene and introduce the child's collection of toys. However, the third stanza's abrupt transition from a list of toys to the child's dislike for them may be confusing for the reader. It might be beneficial to provide some context or explanation for this shift in sentiment.

The introduction of the 'balarina' in the fourth stanza is a clear turning point in the poem, but the term 'balarina' may be a typographical error. If it is intentional, providing an explanation or context for this unique term could enhance the reader's understanding.

The final two stanzas effectively convey the child's affection for the balarina and the joy it brings. However, the final line about the dress the child dreamt to get feels somewhat disconnected from the rest of the poem. Expanding on this idea or tying it more closely to the theme of the balarina could create a more cohesive conclusion.

The poem could also benefit from the use of more vivid and sensory language to create a more immersive experience for the reader. For instance, describing the colors, sounds, and textures of the toys could help to bring the poem to life.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Very nice childhood toy imagery

Very nice childhood toy imagery throughout your poem however…very respectfully, the tempo and meter count in many of your lines were uneven and did not flow smoothly. Also you mixed up the past and present tense in some of the lines. These little things made it rather distracting to read your poem. Besides this, I did enjoy the last two lines of your poem very much as it was a clever way to bring the reader back with a final note to your childlike fantasy and desire to dress as a ballerina just like the ballerina in your music box.

Hello Pal.

Thank you a lot for your comment and the honest critique.
I had some edits done. Hope it reads smoother now.
Highly appreciate your visit.
P.S. I visited your profile and wow you really got a huge experience in writing poetry.

The Balarina

Hello, Rula!
An endearing poem. I loved the Balarina music boxes, too! And of course, the dresses they wore were so charming. I'm wondering if the possessive punctuation is necessary in a couple places. I believe I understand the meaning, but it seems a bit uncomfortable to read correctly.
Maybe state:
"models of princesses and those of knights"
and
"miniature cars of every size" Just a suggestion...
I agree with the thought that balarina music boxes were more than toys - they sent us to a world of dreams and magic.
Lovely
Thank you!
Lxxx
(I'm kinda in and out of the site right now, but hope to be back soon!)