Mini
May 03, 2024

Sunflower

You remind me of the sun
You illuminate and sheen
You warm my heart
You delight me
So incredibly
in such way that
I'm blinded by you
But i can't desist looking
Im a sunflower
The sun is the reason
Why i kept my body and soul together
But the sun
Paid no attention
To a trivial thing like me

About This Poem

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Direction: How was my language use?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Serbia, SRB

More from this author

Comments

neopoet

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

This poem effectively uses the metaphor of a sunflower and the sun to explore themes of unrequited love and the struggle for recognition. The use of the sunflower as a symbol for the speaker, who is drawn to the sun yet unnoticed by it, creates a poignant image of longing and unfulfilled desire.

However, the poem could benefit from more varied and precise language. For instance, the phrase "You illuminate and sheen" might be reworked for clarity. The verb 'sheen' is not commonly used and might confuse some readers. Consider using more descriptive language to convey the sun's brightness and warmth.

The line "The sun is the reason/Why i kept my body and soul together" is a powerful statement about the speaker's dependence on the sun. However, the poem might benefit from further exploration of this idea. How does the sun keep the speaker's body and soul together? What happens when the sun is not present?

Lastly, the poem could benefit from more consistent capitalization. The use of lowercase 'i' in "Why i kept my body and soul together" and "a trivial thing like me" is inconsistent with the rest of the poem and may distract readers.

Overall, the poem effectively uses metaphor and symbolism to convey a sense of longing and unrequited love. However, it could be improved with more precise language, deeper exploration of its central metaphor, and consistent capitalization.

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