Leslie
Leslie
May 03, 2024

Chubby

There was a gnome
who had a home
deep within the earth
and once a year
he would appear
to spread a little mirth.
His body stout
without a doubt
you could say
that he was chubby,
but the jokes he told
robust and bold
would expand
your under bellies
and when this gnome
had finished
he'd jump back in the hole
to come around the next year
to tell another joke!

About This Poem

Last Few Words: I would appreciate any help!

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?

Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: South Ogden, Utah, USA

Favorite Poets: Jon Anderson

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Comments

neopoet

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "Chubby" is a light-hearted narrative that employs a consistent rhyme scheme and rhythm throughout. The use of a gnome as a central character adds an element of whimsy and fantasy, which is appealing in this context.

However, the poem could benefit from more vivid and specific imagery. For instance, instead of simply stating that the gnome is chubby, consider describing how his body looks or moves in a way that conveys his chubbiness. Similarly, instead of telling the reader that his jokes are robust and bold, consider including an example of one of his jokes or describing the reactions of those who hear them.

The ending of the poem is somewhat abrupt. The gnome's departure back into his hole could be expanded upon to give a more satisfying conclusion. Perhaps describe the gnome's feelings as he leaves, or the anticipation of those left behind for his return next year.

The rhythm of the poem is generally consistent, but there are a few lines that disrupt the flow. For example, the line "you could say that he was chubby," is longer than the others and breaks the rhythm. Consider revising this line to maintain the rhythm throughout the poem.

Lastly, the poem could benefit from a deeper exploration of the gnome's character or the world he inhabits. This would add depth to the poem and make it more engaging for the reader.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Mary Beth Magee

How refreshing to read of a gnome set on spreading cheer instead of the mayhem Hollywood so often uses. Your rhyme scheme seems a little inconsistent, with rhyming lines interspersed with free verse. An interesting combination. I enjoyed your verse.

Leslie

Leslie

11 months 4 weeks ago

Nice take on my little thing. Thank you!