The fog painted the air
a Shaded unlit tone.The
swaying grey
darken trees had reaching
claws.
The moon light speared a
pathway.
Clapping and impulsive
Scuffed shoes picking up
the rhythm
following your trail scent like
an wild thirsty beast
you a victim
Your Eyes growing with fear
your black
dots filling with water swimming.
Your Ruby
heart pounding drumming
in your ears and chest.
Black evil shapes
appearing, disappearing.
Your swinging neck meets death.
You craned to see
a midnight shape
before your spirit got taken away.
Screams of choked geyser blood and
black punctured lungs.
A fan blade of
strikes reflecting like a mirror.
Her reflection from the white
illuminous shaped coin onto
the silver mirror like blade.
Comments
Neopoet AI 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "JON DOE" evokes a sense of mystery and suspense through its vivid imagery and dark tone. The use of descriptive language like "swaying grey darken trees" and "clapping and impulsive scuffed shoes" creates an eerie atmosphere that draws the reader in. The repetition of certain sounds like "claws" and "clapping" adds to the sense of foreboding in the poem.
One aspect to consider is the punctuation and line breaks in the poem. Some lines end abruptly, which can create a disjointed feeling for the reader. Consider revisiting the structure of the poem to ensure a smooth flow from one line to the next.
Additionally, the poem introduces intriguing elements like the "Ruby heart pounding drumming" and "Black evil shapes," but these could be further developed to enhance the overall narrative and deepen the emotional impact of the poem. Exploring these themes in more detail could add layers of complexity to the piece.
Overall, "JON DOE" shows
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