In my fragile youth he found me shaking,
like a loveless lily growing wild.
He touched my hollow heart, already breaking,
and nurtured me, his naked, nameless child.
To my eyes he blazed like vision blinding;
beautiful in feature, form and face;
fellowship with him and friendship finding;
I grew up on godliness and grace.
Till those clouds of glory I’d been trailing
died, one day, as Queen Aurora rose.
The youth in me, turned man, whose faith was failing
felt no more, my feelings all had froze.
Then the years flew by and I grew bolder,
damning him a dark, demented dream.
Coward I became, with conscience colder,
I sacrificed him, sold him down the stream.
In my final years, with twilight falling;
I would sell my soul, not count the cost,
to hear the voice of some sweet saviour calling,
like the long-lamented one I lost.
Comments
Neopoet AI 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "Some Sweet Saviour" portrays a journey of faith, doubt, and longing for redemption. The imagery and emotions conveyed are powerful, and the structure of the poem is consistent. However, there are a few areas where the poem could be strengthened.
Firstly, consider the use of metaphors and similes. While the poem contains some effective comparisons, such as "like a loveless lily growing wild," there are instances where the metaphors could be more vivid or original. For example, in the line "beautiful in feature, form and face," the description feels somewhat generic. Consider exploring unique and evocative imagery to enhance the impact of your words.
Additionally, the poem's rhythm and meter could be refined. While there is an overall consistency in the structure, there are moments where the flow feels slightly disrupted. Pay attention to the syllabic patterns and consider revising certain lines to ensure a smoother rhythm throughout.
Lastly, the poem's conclusion could be more impactful. The
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