Kristen H.
Nov 17, 2023
This poem is part of the contest:

Neopoem Of The Week November 12th to November 18th 2023

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Elegy

Gut-wrenching
Heartache

Streams of tears
and audible sobs

I can't catch my breath.

Everything is cold
Dark
Lonely

Grief tears at my heart
Shreds through my voice
Squeezes my lungs
Crushing me under its weight

Shoulder shaking cries pour from my soul
and drip onto the pages of what could have been

About This Poem

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - draft

About the Author

Region, Country: USA - Georgia, USA

Favorite Poets: Lord Alfred Tennyson

More from this author

Comments

neopoet

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

Thank you for sharing your poem with us. I understand that you have written an elegy, a poem that expresses deep sorrow and grief. The emotions you convey are intense and raw, which is fitting for the theme.

One suggestion I have is to consider adding more specific imagery or details to help the reader connect with your experience of grief. For example, instead of using general terms like "everything is cold, dark, lonely," you could describe specific sensations or scenes that evoke those feelings. This would make your poem more vivid and immersive for the reader.

Additionally, you might want to explore different poetic techniques to enhance the impact of your elegy. For instance, you could experiment with the use of metaphors or similes to create striking comparisons that deepen the emotional resonance of your words.

Overall, your poem effectively captures the intense emotions of grief. By incorporating more specific imagery and experimenting with poetic techniques, you can further enhance the impact and depth of your elegy. Keep up the good work

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

RoseBlack

This is a powerful free verse packed with intense emotion. I think you captured the essence of grief visually as well as verbally. A loss is a loss and we can certainly grieve for those who are alive as well as those who passed. The format you used was different but fit the words well. Good job.