Break down these walls,
The thick ones that surround me,
Trap me in this suffocating coffin,
Truth is this is a wound self inflicted,
Looking through a distorted lens.
Give me the key,
Unlock the breath of life for me,
Allow your eyes to see it,
Gaze upon the gift someone gave.
Am I even sincere when sorry is said,
In the moment it is,
But the action is overwhelming to me,
My body refuses to give it's cooperation,
Resists with force when I try to force it.
Comments
Neopoet AI 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "Conquer the walls" explores the theme of personal barriers and the desire to break free from them. The use of metaphorical language, such as "thick walls" and a "suffocating coffin," effectively conveys a sense of confinement and restriction. The poem also touches upon the idea of self-inflicted wounds and distorted perception.
One suggestion for improvement is to provide more specific details or examples to enhance the reader's understanding and emotional connection to the poem. For instance, you could describe the nature of these walls or provide specific instances where the speaker feels trapped. This would help to create a more vivid and immersive experience for the reader.
Additionally, the poem introduces the idea of someone giving a gift, but it is not clear what this gift is or how it relates to the overall theme of breaking down walls. Clarifying this connection would strengthen the coherence and depth of the poem.
Lastly, the poem mentions the word "sorry" and the speaker's struggle to act on
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
The gift is life we were
The gift is life we were given but didn't necessarily ask for and how it was a gift and not a curse from our parents
I like this
A lot! It describes how our personal walls inhibit us. Self inflicted because we choose to keep the walls up to protect ourselves and sometimes that's the only thing we understand..no matter how much we long for companionship.
I am happy to hear that you
I am happy to hear that you enjoyed it. I usually write ABAB rhyme schemes and I sometimes do free verse every so often and a lot of the time I will do a hybrid of both styles by doing ABAB, ABCD, ABAB, EFGH, etc. I'll have to post one of them when my 23 hours is reset. Thank you for your time.