Jackweb
Jackweb
Jul 26, 2023

RIDE WITH ME

Would you like to ride with me,
and get your mind literary refreshed,
With lovely sweet sounds of words
that elavates your mind and soul?

Would you like to ride with me,
and catch your self a poetic fun?
Sometimes i may appear satirical
slamming those folks in power.

Would you like to ride with me,
and float around in my literary lake
I'm ready to take you round about
and make you feel my lonely steam

Would you like to ride with me,
and smell the scent of my heart?
The magical spill of my creativty
now flows with grim tidal wave!

Would you like to ride with me,
or wait till my wings spread out?
I may likely fly out of the horizon
or transcend into the utopian world.

Would you like to ride with me now,
or sit on my silence couch waiting?
My thoughts plunge into depth,
with dearing power of exploration.

Mostly, the silence of the deep blue sea,
taps me to dive into spiritual realm,
making my emotions to evaporate,
like morning dew sitting on flowers.

About This Poem

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Imo State - Republic of Biafra(Nigeria), NGA

Favorite Poets: Late Christopher Okigbo

More from this author

Comments

Geezer

been a while since I have commented and critiqued any of your work.
I usually don't know what kind of advice to give you. On the one hand,
I want to try and help you be better understood to most of our English-speaking community
and on the other, I don't want to wreck the wonderful feel of your own language and idioms.

In this one, I only detect a couple of stray [esses] that can be edited out, a double [e] in [appear] and an [I] that needs capitalization.
The esses are as follows: [spreads], [plunge[s]. I would also suggest that you combine your and self to make [yourself].
I find that I would enjoy a ride in your boat around the lake. ~ Geez.
.

Jackweb

Sir, i am really the cause of these errors at this time. I didn't proofread before coping from my note. I appreciate you so much for having time to read and critique. Edited! Any more thing to edit please.

I am going through hell with severe pain in my molar. I hardly sleep at night. That's why i have not been online all this while. Hoping to return fully when i get well.
.

Lavender

Hello, Jackweb,
Invigorating poetry! What lovely language that makes me love poetry all the more. "...smell the scent of my heart..." So impossible, it becomes all the more poetically possible!
Thank you!
L