The only way to say goodbye now
is to struggle with the grief as it comes.
It crests and subsides, again and again.
As it is at the shore,
the surf leaves the sand altered
but not washed away.
Jun 28, 2023
Waves
About This Poem
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft
Comments
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "Waves" utilizes an effective metaphor of the ocean waves to describe the process of dealing with grief. This metaphor is not only vivid but also relatable, as it captures the ebb and flow of emotions that one experiences when dealing with loss.
However, the metaphor could be expanded upon to create a more immersive experience for the reader. For instance, the third stanza could delve deeper into the changes that the sand undergoes, which could parallel the transformation that one undergoes when dealing with grief.
Additionally, the poem could benefit from more varied sentence structure. The current structure is quite uniform, with each stanza consisting of three lines. Varying this structure could add more dynamism to the poem and further engage the reader.
Lastly, the poem could explore the theme of grief more deeply. Currently, the poem presents grief as a struggle, but it could also explore other aspects of grief, such as acceptance or healing. This would add more depth to the poem and make it more emotionally resonant.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Waves
Hello, Michael,
Dunno how I missed this one. Our AI friend has not experienced grief or heartache. This is perfect. I feel the suffering in each line - the pain and loss, and the acceptance to deal with it. Altered, but not washed away. Your poetry is amazing, Michael.
L
Yeah, AI doesn't get some of
Yeah, AI doesn't get some of poetry's nuances, but I appreciate the comments, as they do make me think about the suggestions. Thank you for stopping by and sharing your very kind thoughts.
Best