Kristen H.
Jun 18, 2023
This poem is part of the contest:

Neopoem of the week June 18th to June 24th 2023

(Read More...)

I Want You

I feel like I need you
And I know you’re no good for me
And I know you’re perfect for me.

I want to want you
And I do want you
But I don’t.

I don’t need you
But I want to need you
And I want to love you
And I do love you.

I want to want you in my life
And I do.
I want to want you in my home
But I don’t.

I want to want to embrace you
And I do.
I want to want to make love to you
But I don’t.

Please don’t leave…
But when you do.
Please remember that
I love you.
Remember me.

About This Poem

Last Few Words: I hope this makes sense to you like it does to me...

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - draft

About the Author

Region, Country: USA - Georgia, USA

Favorite Poets: Lord Alfred Tennyson

More from this author

Comments

neopoet

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

Title: I Want You

The poem explores the complexity of emotions and desires in a relationship, highlighting the internal conflict experienced by the speaker. The repetition of "I want" and "I don't" effectively conveys the speaker's ambivalence. However, there are areas where the poem could be improved to create a more engaging and impactful reading experience.

1. Imagery and metaphors: The poem could benefit from the inclusion of more vivid imagery and metaphors to help the reader visualize and connect with the emotions being expressed. This would make the poem more engaging and memorable.

2. Structure and punctuation: The poem's structure could be refined to create a more consistent rhythm and flow. Consider organizing the poem into stanzas of equal length and using punctuation to guide the reader through the lines. This would help emphasize the poem's central themes and make it easier to read.

3. Show, don't tell: The poem often tells the reader what the speaker is feeling, rather than showing it through descriptions and actions. By using more descriptive language and providing examples of the speaker's conflicting emotions, the poem would become more relatable and emotionally resonant.

4. Line breaks: The poem's line breaks could be reevaluated to create a more purposeful structure. Consider breaking lines at natural pauses or moments of emphasis to enhance the poem's overall flow and readability.

Overall, the poem effectively communicates the theme of emotional conflict in a relationship. By incorporating more vivid imagery, refining the structure, and focusing on showing rather than telling, the poem could become a more engaging and impactful piece.

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Geezer

myself, I have felt myself adrift and wanting a stable romantic partner, but also felt that I would be committed to a life change
that I might feel hampered me and caused pain for both of us. Not an easy decision. [One I was ultimately glad I made in favor of], because I have been married to that person for thirty-four years this September. [BTW, I took nine years to make up my mind, and fortunately she wasn't in a hurry.]
~ Geezer.
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