Michael Anthony
Michael Anthony
Apr 20, 2023
This poem is part of the contest:

Neopoem Of The Week April 16th to April 22nd 2023

(Read More...)

Poetry of Light

The poetry she was reading
couldn’t have been nearly as beautiful
as the sunlight dancing all around her, as I recall.

Tracing shadows and illuminations across her face.
Freckles of light cast through her hat with a ribbon
peeked through in the most delightful way.

As brief and temporary as this panorama was,
my memory begs to differ with me
every time I visit the canvas in my thoughts.

About This Poem

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism

Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft

About the Author

Region, Country: San Francisco Bay Area - USA, USA

Favorite Poets: Bukowski

This user supports Neopoet so it can be free to all

More from this author

Comments

neopoet

The below is a computer generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "Poetry of Light" is a brief but vivid description of a moment in which the speaker observes a woman reading poetry in the sunlight. The imagery is well-crafted, with the sunlight described as "dancing" and the woman's face portrayed as a canvas on which shadows and illuminations trace across. The use of metaphor is effective in conveying the beauty of the moment.

However, the poem could benefit from some further development. While the imagery is strong, the poem lacks a clear message or theme. It is unclear what the significance of this moment is, or what the speaker is trying to convey. A deeper exploration of the emotions or thoughts that the moment evokes could make the poem more impactful.

Additionally, the use of the word "panorama" in the final line feels out of place and disrupts the flow of the otherwise smooth and fluid language. A different word choice, such as "scene" or "display," could improve the line's effectiveness.

Overall, "Poetry of Light" is a pleasant read with strong imagery, but could benefit from further development in terms of theme and word choice. One suggested line edit is: "As brief and temporary as this scene was."

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Michael Anthony

Apparently, Neo hasn't seen Mr. Webster's complete definitions of the word panorama:
- a mental picture of a series of images or events. For shame Neo. LOL!

Curious if other readers agree with Neo's comment about a lack of clarity in regard to the significance or message trying to be conveyed in this piece. Sometimes a moment only has so many words to be said about it.

Cheers

Geezer

with Noah's definition of panorama, and I agree with your use of it. I would have liked a little more, but I didn't have a problem figuring out that you meant you were at a museum or art gallery. ~ Geezer.
.

Michael Anthony

Thanks Geez. Your comments indicate what I was trying to convey may not be clear, so I tweaked this again. I mean to say this is the image I see in the painting in my mind, provided by my memory if that helps.

Best

Lavender

Hello, Michael,
Love the use of the word "panorama." Poetic and elegant, it adds so much to the imagery. I can somewhat understand AI's challenge with clarity, but for me, this poem is not to be read hastily, and that made the difference. Each sentence has its own depth - much like a painting in itself. The reader needs to stand back and let it absorb, word for beautiful word. "Freckles of light..." For me, I imagine your poem is written with soft watercolors.
L