Leslie
Leslie
Apr 06, 2023

Circus, circus!

Circus, circus!

Flying through mid air
destination unknown
human sexuality
enthroned and condoned
what in the world
have we done with our days
it’s no longer a fad
or passing craze
it’s real, it’s defined
and because of its presence
humanity cries,
but where are their parents?
we’ve given ourselves
to hedonistic play
the consequences
have swept us
up and away
we’ve accelerated our own downfall!
just one more page
tossed to the fire
here we go again!

About This Poem

Last Few Words: I personaly like this as is, however feel free to comment and or critque freely I hope someone reads this. I am anxious to see what you might think!

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: South Ogden, Utah, USA

Favorite Poets: Jon Anderson

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Comments

neopoet

The below is a computer generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "Circus, circus!" explores the theme of hedonism and its consequences on society. The imagery of a circus creates a sense of chaos and confusion, mirroring the state of society. The use of enjambment and fragmented sentences contributes to this feeling of disorder.

The poem's tone is critical and judgmental, condemning society for its focus on pleasure and neglect of important issues such as poverty and family values. The line "children starving in the streets but where are their parents?" highlights the speaker's frustration with the lack of responsibility and accountability.

However, the poem's message feels heavy-handed and lacks nuance. The speaker's moralistic stance may come across as preachy and may not resonate with all readers. Additionally, the poem's structure and language could benefit from further refinement.

One suggested line edit:

Instead of "human sexuality enthroned and condoned," consider "hedonism's throne, where pleasure is crowned." This edit may provide a more concise and impactful description of the poem's central theme.

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