Sleep was erratic
for those of my kind
escaping psychosis
and the petulant mind
taking a path
down long endless hallways
the street of dreams
and its infinite byways
searching for something
there in the night
hoping to end
this worrisome flight!
Mar 28, 2023
Street of Dreams
About This Poem
Review Request Direction:
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Neopoet AI
The below is a computer generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "Street of Dreams" is a concise and poignant description of the struggle faced by those battling with mental illness. The use of concise language and simple imagery effectively convey the unsettling nature of the journey.
The first two lines set the tone for the poem, creating a sense of unease and unpredictability. The use of the word "erratic" in particular captures the erratic nature of sleep for those living with mental illness. The phrase "petulant mind" is also a powerful one, evoking the image of a stubborn and difficult-to-manage beast.
The mention of the "street of dreams" creates the sense of a journey, a search for something elusive and intangible. The use of the phrase "infinite byways" is particularly effective, suggesting the endless possibilities and paths that the mind can take during a sleepless night.
The final two lines bring a sense of hope to the poem. The speaker is searching for something in the night, and hoping to find a way to finish their "worrisome flight". This creates the sense that the journey is not yet over, but that there is a possibility of finding comfort and resolution.
One suggested line edit would be to change "hoping to finish" to "hoping to end". The word "finish" feels slightly awkward in this context, and "end" would flow more naturally.
Overall, "Street of Dreams" is a powerful and evocative poem that captures the experience of living with mental illness. The simple language and concise imagery are effective in conveying the sense of unease and uncertainty, while the final lines offer a glimmer of hope.
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