The silent night,
glows in darkness!
with a furious threat,
the crickets chirping
monotonously!
What a restive
moment;
treaded, and
triggered
by icy time?
Onyinyechi Cosmos Etu
Mar 13, 2023
THE STATE OF THE NIGHT
About This Poem
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Anxious
This is really well done. There is a stark anxiety over the the whole composition. It evokes the fight or flight response. It makes me worried for your safety.
What restive
moments;
treaded, and
triggered
by icy time?
What a restive
moment;
treaded, and
triggered
by icy time?
The verb tense needs fixing and those are the two options. You’ll need to decide if they are moments (plural) or just one singular moment.
Man I hope you’re ok,
Tim
The great eagle eye!
Many thanks esteemed poet. Your critique helps a lot.
Truly, no one is ok here. The giant of Africa is a living hell.
.
The State of the Night
Hello, Jackweb,
I agree with Tim. There is an oppressive anxiety throughout your poem. Your title affirms the feeling. Well written.
Take care,
L
Wow
You have said it all. Thanks a lot for reading through.
.
Hello Ekat....
Always appreciàtive of your encouraging and brilliant comment, precious Friend.
.
The poem speaks of anxious
The poem speaks of anxious times using opposites, to create tension. Your poem was put together beautifully. :)
Thanks
so much for stopping by. I appreciate your comment.
.